Rangers Smakk
The Bunny & I went to our first Texas Rangers game of the 2008 season last night, and the game was definitely not a disappointment. The Rangers won both games of a double header, our seats were 4 rows above the home dugout, it was $1 hot dog night & I was even able to score a free t-shirt from one of the Six Shooter Girls. And then the 8 inning highlight of the streaker fan jumping on to the field in his boxers and going full monty in centerfield - good stuff my man!

Though my favorite moment of the night was the exhibition of lightning like reflexes from the Bunny. Now I'm sure you're thinking maybe a foul ball off a righty could have buzzed us down the 1st base line, but no, this was something even better. Catching it out of the corner of her eye, the Bunny sees the 60 yr old man seated in the chair next to her accidentally pick up her bottle of Miller Lite. With animal like primal instincts, the Bunny snaps her head around and screams, "That's my beer!!!". I swear I think the guy may have had a mini heart attack or stroke from the blonde banshee attack. Never, and I mean never, get between the Bunny and her beer.

West Texas Smakk
It's nice to see that the Crew's West Texas contingent, Sosa & Mike, are finally getting some national exposure for their part of the world. Not since the days of the burning compounds in Waco has such a heart warming tale crossed the CNN news wire as that of the YFZ Ranch outside of Eldorado, TX. For those that haven't heard the details, a 16 yr old girl who was pregnant for the 2nd time in a year called the outside world looking for help from her abusive 40+ yr old husband that also had 6 other wives in the compound. Is that how you do it West Texas style boys???

Now I understand there not much for you guys to do out there, but is there really a need to constrain 416 minors in your little cult? At least your Texas Aggie brothers from the East will settle for some sheep when they run out of ladies passed out at the Dixie Chicken. And just because the area is 33% Hispanic doesn't mean you really need to have 600 people living at a compound under one roof. (One side note - the Pacific Islander population is only 0.1%. Don't plan on finding you a Haka partner Wu.) And is the major water recreation area really called Lake Nasworthy? Jesus Christ, you're in West Texas. I'm sure that lake is nas-worthy of jack shit.

Ok, I have never actually spent any quality time in San Angelo or the West Texas area. So maybe I'm being unfair until I go visit for myself. What time does the Chicken Farm Art Center open again boys? Just tell me next time I bump into you fishing the canals of Las Colinas....jerks.

Marriage Smakk
Marriage has been a big item circulating around the Crew for 2007-2008. With the Bunny & I tying the chain...errr...I mean, knot last October and other upcoming nuptials this year, this has caused some separation within the Crew. The results has been the formation of Team Married, Team Single & Team Undecided as follows:

Team Married:
Smakk - My cage door has been locked and finding a key looks hopeless. Currently, I am the poster child for Team Married.
Wu - September ceremony on schedule but really already been locked up for 5 years since can of corn incident.
Yott - Already bought casa together and have June in Costa Rica planned to weld on ball and chain for good.
Sosa - Living in sin for almost a year and has mom-in-law on speed dial when can't find a cab after drunken bar stumble.
Scott M - Relocated Jenn M into his place in Houston last weekend thus becoming the newest member to Team Married. Hold onto the TV remote...it is your new best friend.

Team Single:
Loops MVP - Formerly on Team Married many years ago, Loops has now claimed a life long commitment to Captain Team Single. Though his vanishing acts during 2007's Summer of Love have put his title in question.
Dangerous D - The heart and soul man of Team Single, the Dangerous One is still the king of sourcing the random bunnies through his dance off 360 skills. Save the occasional drunken emotional outbreak, his status seem secure.
Gwedo - His only long term commitment is still to Red Bull & Vodka. Though pedicures and yoga class with White Gurl have questioned his status and overall sexual orientation in general.
Buster - Recently back on Team Single due to an SMU penalty infraction, Buster seems to be securely in place on the team. With his magnetic abilities to attract Stage 5 Clingers and flying beer bottles to the face, his future status in very unknown.

Team Undecided:
Pierre - The French Mexican's status is difficult for me to determine. I hear talk of a mystery girl, Jazz, that never seems to appear at any Crew function. Either my information is outdated or Jean Phillipe Jose is smart enough to keep her away from Team Single.
Sorley - Much like above, I hear our high flying pilot of the Crew has something-something going on though I have not yet confirmed. Plus his recent Barry Bond's makeover via "natural" methods for boat season and party cove seem to offset any commitment rumors.
LRod - Spending 24/7 with TK, your female BFF, has blurred the status of the mid-cities Dale Jr. Is it a relationship or is it Memorex? That is still the question.

And finally in a special shout-out, congrats to the upcoming marriage of our favorite teacher, Ms. Insert New Last Name Here. After finalizing the big D with Buster only 2 months ago, she is ready to try out marriage numero 3 at the end of this month. Nothing but best wishes for you but please give your students a break since they have to learn how to spell another last name for you once again...

Driving Smakk
Last week I'm talking on my cell while cruising down I35 South to Austin when all of a sudden, this piece o' shit K Car comes up from behind me honking on the horn. This 80's "classic" then pulls up beside me and some lady that looks like queen of the trailer park starts screaming and shaking her fist at me. Of course I just smile and give her the one finger wave. She then starts yelling more violently while waving her first edition Motorola up in the air. I figure out that she is pissed to see me talking on the phone while driving since she's probably still not conquered chewing her wad of tobacco chew while walking simultaneously. So I just keep gabbing more on my phone until I finish my conversation and then start checking my emails & texting while still riding along beside her. Even getting further enraged, this bottle rocket scientist is so worried that my cell activity is so dangerous on the road that she starts waving both her hands up in the air only grabbing her steering wheel occasionally to swerve at my car. Yeah psycho, I'm the dangerous one on the road.
Even though she was able to give me such good entertainment on my drive, I regret that I didn't call the cops from my cell while driving to explain I had a future reality tv star losing her shit cause I was talking on my cell while driving. Damn that would have really been good....

Party Smakk
It really never surprises me anymore what is going to happen at a party thrown by one of the Crew. Will Gwedo bust a car mirror? Will Wu need his party puke bucket? Will Loops piss himself? Will the Bunny & I start a world war? These are all just anticipated standards that could happen any given night. So with Big Wu throwing his first house party at the new Castle Wu, I was wondering what we could expect from the night.
All started off well with food on the grill, baggo in the backyard and NCAA Final Four action in the living room. (Though we need to upgrade the 19" screen sir. My eyes are still hurting from squinting across the room.) After a little birthday serenade to Wu & Esther while surrounding the sumo/Buddha cake, it was time to break out the drinking games. Beers started flowing rapidly to a game of Kings on the dining room table while Dangerous D was slamming down dominoes and bitch slapping anyone in arm's reach from the kitchen. Then someone came up with the great idea of Speed Quarters. Even though I held my own down at the varsity side of the table, I missed at what exact point the table crowd transformed from Spanish Harlem to the Oklahoma Backwoods. Did I really see a guy in blue jean overalls? Was LRod really walking around "Amp"ed up in Dale Jr gear? Did we really keep breaking out in songs for no reason? And why was the Bunny walking around with a lost poodle with a mohawk at 1am?
Just another Saturday night I guess. Summer nights coming up soon...