Smakk Smakk
When you're out with your Crew, there are just certain things that as soon as you say them, you wish you hadn't. I can think of no example more perfect than what happened last night at BWW with the boys. I have to paraphrase a little since this was after a few Silver Bullets and an 18 Year Old Piece of Ass shot. Basically while talking about the art of eating wings, Big Wu blurts out, "You just really got to suck that bone. It's so good covered in sauce." Let the verbal assault begin.....

Necessity Smakk
Necessity truly is the mother of invention. Let me digress....The Bunny & I decided to have lunch today on her day off. So I took her to have one of the best burgers in town, the Chipotle Burger at Cool River in Las Colinas. Nice half pounder smothered in grilled peppers and onions, grated cheddar and chipotle ketchup. And for a side the Bunny had the Buffalo Mac N Cheese as I had the Buffalo Fries. Needless to say, these are great but rather large lunches.
So a couple hours after eating, the movements a la bowel start a calling. Now I've never been a fan of the public restroom for numero dos. I prefer my on private porcelain throne at the house where I can enjoy taking my time and catching up on SI or Entertainment Weekly. Therefore, I decide to wait out the couple hours until I get home for my TU (Turd Up for those that have not been lifetime Smakk readers).
And of course what happens on the way home? Bumper to bumper grid...wait for it...lock on I635. This is where my brainstorm invention comes to mind. why not combine the drivers seat in your car with a toilet. Sheer brilliance I know. You could be driving down Route 66, XM radio tuned to your favorite station, waving to soccer moms as they pass in their mini vans while the whole time dropping you load. I mean this must be better than fight that damn giant sea turtle head the whole way home. I've even heard that some concept car engines actually run on human and animal waste. Talk about killing two turds...err...birds with one stone. Imagine your on a road trip and your tank is getting close to empty. Lunch time is rolling around. You pull into Taco Bell, stock up on a couple bean burritos and presto - hunger pains gone and car back up to full. Somebody get me the GM hotline stat....

Wildflower Smakk

I've never been so embarrased. Mrs. Smakk now has 3 days off a week and way too much time on her hands. Of course I expected a extra long walk out of this but anticipating anything out of the ordinary. As usual, I sense the upcoming walk and start jumping up and down, my claws tapping out some retarded dog song. My leash is on a few minutes later and off we go. It's the usual start of me thinking we are running and trying to run while pulling her along. We stop for me to sniff and mark my territory several times by the time we get to the park. This is my normal spot if I have to go number 2 on a walk. But I didn't have the urge so was ready to continue on my walk. And then the torture began.

What do you want? This smells great , yeah, let's go.

Any day now.

I'm not looking at you for your stupid pictures.

Haha! You can't get a good shot of me.

Ok I'll cooperate. There's someone coming over to us. I just want this over with.

So then these two ladies pushing jogging strollers offer to take our picture together. I wanted the earth to swallow me up. I think Mrs. Smakk did too. This was the last picture taken and we sprinted all the way home. I think I'll avoid the park for a few weeks.

Weight Smakk
Over the past few months, I have just been too lazy to hit the gym after work. I still get in my morning run about 3 times a weeks right now, but absolutely no action on the weights. So the other day, I decided to buy a small couple hundred pound weight set just to have at the house to get in a little exercise after work without having to leave the casa. The Bunny actually picks up the set while I'm out playing golf and has the store load it in her trunk. I get home after golf and decide let's put this together and try a couple reps. But of course, just after carrying the damn box of weights from the car to the house, I'm already out of breath and decide to just hit the Captain instead. Lazy mutha fu....

Text Smakk
Did Big Wu really text me earlier just to say that his texting has gotten out of control? I do have to give him credit for his "Text-aholics" intervention idea. Everyone gets together in room, we form a circle, I pull out the phone and text, "Hi. I'm Smakk. And I'm a textaholic." Click, click, click...beep, beep, beep. All reply,"Hi Smakk."
Right now I'm logging in an average of about 3600 texts a month - roughly 120 texts a day. I don't think I'll truly be happy until I break into the 5000 mark consistently. I mean between Sosa, Wu & Dangerous D, I have enough racial slurs and comments to go through a couple hundred a day. I guess I'm just happy to have such a great life goal to waste my time throughout the work day and entertain me and the recipients during my nights sailing with the Captain.