Bored Drive Smakk
So I’m driving back to Big D from Shreveport yesterday afternoon bored out of my gourd. It’s about a 2 ½ hour road trip and I wasn’t drinking, so what the hell else can I do to make the time go buy? Well, I decide to start calling all the “How Am I Driving?” numbers on the back of the big rigs and give them a review of that driver. So I’m mostly leaving messages – “Just calling to say he’s doing a great job. Staying right in between those white lines. Even gave me a big honk when I did the blow your horn arm pull sign. Hasn’t thrown up any rocks or blown tires debris on my car yet. He even threw his empty bottle of mini thins out the passenger side window so not to hit me. Just a wonderful driver.” Ok, so I was a little bored.
Top five Road Trip movies (yeah – need to get back to these):
5. Thelma and Louise
4. Overnight Delivery
3. Road Trip
2. The Blues Brothers
1. Fandango

The Real Carrot Smakk
It is day three of my captivity. So far the worst part has been when they keep coming over and petting me. That or the "puppy" talk. Please don't talk down to me. I am quite sure I'm much more intelligent than you. I have street smarts you'll never get. I don't think driving around in your BMW, shopping at Lucky, and dining at Breadwinners is exactly teaching you much about life. Though it does humor me that you are eating jalapeno cheese chicken wrapped in bacon meanwhile pushing my food bowl at me. I will eat, don't worry. I'm just waiting for the nausea of lingering pizza roll smell to pass. That crap smells worse than my dog food, if you call this food. I suppose he is returning from his trip today. My only relief is that he'll take me on a walk. Oh and the frustration on his face when I stand in front of the door the rest of the night wanting to go back out. My goal is too keep him so busy he doesn't get to watch his Tivo nonsense.

Top five possible escape routes.
5. Call vet I came from and claim abuse
4. Kill him and slip out when they come to inspect the smell
3. Fool him into thinking I can be let off my leash and run for it
2. Latch onto next bunny and beg to go home with her
1. Wait it out and see if situation improves

Carrot Smakk
So Carrot officially joined the Rontourage last night. For those of you that do not remember, Carrot is the stray mutt I’ve now adopted to act as bait for bunnies in my neighborhood. First off, I think this dog really is a vegetable. I mean he just doesn’t move that much. Reminds me of that stuffed dog from Scrubs. And he’s not the bravest guy in the world either. So far I have found that he’s scared of people, riding in a car, his food/water bowl and basically - being inside. Good thing I live in a town home in the middle of the city with no yard.
Since I know there is great debate whether I am up to the responsibility challenge of caring for another living thing, I have decided to give it my all and prove everyone wrong. Just kind of wish I would have got him later in the week instead of last night. Especially since I drove down to Shreveport today. Oh well – he can always just gnaw on his leg for the next day or so. I mean they eat dog in Korea, so he should be fine.

Weekend Smakk
So let’s see if I can remember what happened this weekend. So…

Friday – happy hour at Champs in the LC, drunken karaoke at Froggy Bottoms in West End (Gwedo’s idea), then Manhatten Bar back in Uptown. Finally passed out on couch with half dressed bunny while pizza rolls burn in oven. Thanks to the rest of the Rontourage for keeping Club 1407 from burning down and petting my passed out bunny. SHAWWWW!!!

Saturday – Breakfast and mimosas at Breadwinners, road trip to Ft Worth and room at Worthington. Pour House, Library and Irish Pub (??) down in Sundance. Passed out with a bunny in the hotel bed. And yes, Impreginator - those shots were $27.50.

Sunday – Road trip back to Big D with Captain & Diet and RBV’s flowning. Lunch and vodka sodas at Fox & Hound in North D. Was I playing checkers?

Now I'm off to get our new crew member and mascot - Carrot. Bunnies will be everywhere...