Three Day Smakk

It's been three days, since I had a drank
It's been three days, since my morning breath stank
And I wish I had a lifetime to just sail away
With me and the Captain for more than three days

This is what sobriety does to me. I just made a parody of an old Pat Green song. Fuck it. Might as well totally disgrace myself. Blue October on tap...

There's something that I can't quite explain
I'm so in love with drinking you
So why would I take that away
Cause when I drink you a hundred more
Expect a thousand snores
And I'll keep pouring you everyday

So expect me to be
Having to go pee
My bladder will ache and pound
Asking to relieve me
Pissing like a drunk coon hound
Having to go pee
Did I miss the toilet and hit the tile?
Hit the tile

[Chorus]I will keep having to go pee
If you're thirsty, are you drinking
If you're drinking, are you going to pee
It's about time you actually did pee

Apology Smakk
Dear Captain Morgan,
I owe you my deepest and most sincere apology for not sailing with you for the last two nights. I know that this is the first time we have been apart for this long and I know that I made this decision without notice or warning to you. Though I have my own reasons for trying out this "sobriety" thing that I have heard about, please know that is was never you. You have been my most faithful friend for many, many years and this separation between us will not be forever. I will fondly think of you as I sip on this bottled foreign substance called "water", and reminisce of all those nights that I did not have such disgusting clarity of mind as tonight. I also greatly apologize to the stockholders of the Diageo company for the sudden decline on both the London Stock Exchange (DGE) and the New York Stock Exchange (DEO) due to the massive decline in sales over the past 2 days. So please know all, especially you my golden brown liquid heaven, that this not a goodbye but just a temporary break. I will embrace you again very soon and all will once again be right with the world.
Sincerely sober and not happy about it,
Smakk