Husker Smakk
I have avoided this day for so long and time has finally caught up with me. Today I leave the lovely city of Dallas to go on a 10 hour drive into the wasteland known as Nebraska. Yes, I am off for a weekend with the meet the Bunny's mom and attend her grandmother's 80th b-day party. Run me over with a tractor now please...
And this coming off my $1000 win at Sam's Town in Shreve yesterday. Went $500 down at the blackjack tables within the first hour, was about to quit and got introduced to a new Texas Hold 'Em table game. Let's just say pulling pocket aces was a 30-1 shot against my $10 bonus bet and with my horseshoe securely in place up my ass, I pulled the pocket rockets three different times. As I have said many times before, all I do is make money.
So now as I am about to depart for farmland fiasco, I leave you all with these wise words for your weekend, "Shuck You!". Out....

Hack Smakk
I'm not sure I would even call that "golf" for what was going on yesterday between Dre, Loops & I. I was even dressed the part in my Burberry golf shirt and plaid shorts, but I don't think Iron Horse has ever seen that kind of hacking going on. Dre had best round at 99. I lost by one stroke on the final hole to come in with a 3 digit 100. I would have needed IBM's Big Blue to do the math for Loops' scorecard which had more snowmen on it than Frosty's family reunion. Let me recap some of my favorite parts of the round:
- After a duff drive on 12, I send my mulligan screaming into a utility shed 15 yards in front of us. When I turn around, Dre is lying flat on his back on the tee box rolling in laughter.
- Loops sends a ricochet right back into his own leg while trying to escape a sand trap
- We have to let a group of two players pass us on the 6th hole because they are on our ass the whole round. Did I mention they were walking? And only 12 years old...
- I am able to clip the top of a 50' tall tree with my 3 wood drive even though the tree is only able 15' in front on me to the right of the tee box
- On the back nine, we get behind a pair of highschoolers that are moving at a snail's pace as we are panicking about the setting sun. After hitting into them and staring them down, the brats finally let us pass. So we tee up to show these little fuckers up and of course, Loops & Dre both completely duff their shots as I hit a screamer into the right woods. As we go out in the fairway to hit our 3rd shots, one of the freakin kids hits right down the middle of the fairway by us. Bastards. I felt like I just got my ass kicked by Doogie Howser.

And my favorite moment - I'm standing at the cart reaching for a beer by the 16th tee box. As I turn back to see Loops tee off from about 10 feet to my left side, I see the white sphere heading right at my noggin. What do I do? I completely freeze into a some stance looking like a retarded point guard blocking a midget's drive to the hoop. I honestly remember standing there thinking "Should I go for my beer in the cart to my right or dive for cover to the left?" This is going in such slow motion I can actually see Dre standing on the tee box going "Is he going to move out of the fucking way or just stand there and get pegged?" Luckily my senses override my body and hurl myself to safety on the ground as Loops' drive moves at the speed of silence to dribble into the cart. If he ever connects with one of those, I'm going to have a Titlest tattoo embedded in my forehead.