Question Smakk

So the first official question to Ask Smakk has been posted - "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" Yes, this is obviously a life changing issue in need of Smakk's valuable time. I will keep the author of this question confidential to protect her pointy ears and fluffy tailed identity.

There are actually many answers to this question as follows:

• According to Mr.. Owl from the 1970 TV commercial, " A good question. Let's find out. A One... A two-HOO...A three.. ***CRUNCH*** A Three!"
• According to Tootsie Roll Inc, "We've been asking the question since 1970. Many have tried to lick their way to the center of the Tootsie Pop, and many have failed -- for they couldn't help but bite. But for those proud few who do make it to the center, and manage to keep count of how many licks it takes, we hold a special place in our hearts."

• Scientifically speaking, you have to do is measure the amount of saliva you produce per lick, measure the volume of the Tootsie Pop, find the amount each lick your saliva takes away from the pop, and divide that much by the total volume of the Tootsie Pop.

Now as for the Smakk response, I believe we must also take into count which orifice on your body that you are using to reach the center for the Tootsie Pop. Different bodily fluids combined with the pressure within those different areas could obviously bring about different results. I recall an old issue of Hustler magazine and pretty sure that she was melting that sucker down quick licking it with those lower lips. Then again, maybe that was a blow pop? That's seems more appropriate.

So I hope this information proves helpful my hopping little friend and that you will think of it every time you see another Tootsie Pop.

Ask Smakk
So after years of sharing my wisdom with many of you on topics of my choosing, I felt it was time to help out the general public with some of your own life issues. So starting now, I am proud to introduce - "Ask Smakk". That's right. It's actually a chance for all you little people out there to email me any questions so Smakk can set you straight. Open to all topics and I'll answer any question.
As well, I'm finally submitting to the Man (also known as Google) and allowing them to post ads on Smakk Talk with the condition that they are relevant to my topics. This should prove very interesting and should cause an immediate drop in their stock when the market opens tomorrow.
Anyway - send in your questions to asksmakk@yahoo.com And let the games begin...

Disc Smakk

Expanding on our reasons to get all the guys together and drink in the middle of the day, the boys & I played a little disc golf on Saturday for a little change of pace. So with each of us armed with a few discs and a 6 pack of beer each, we hit the course in the suburbs of Lewisville. Sosa provided the best shot by literally making a throw for negative yardage. Patrick was the only one to lose a disc and we got a 45 minute end of game delay knocking his other stuck disc from the treetops. Buster would have had the throw of the day if the daycare center would have been open when he sent one sailing into the jungle jim. Big Wu quickly lost his competitive spirit early by not even sitting down his beer bag before throwing.Yott proved to a little competition but may already be on injured reserve with a shoulder injury. But being as though I considered turning pro during my college years, I took first place honors in our inaugural match with a score of 3 over par well above the rest of the field. Now we can disk golf to my master skills to accompany drinking, bunny hunting and beer pong on the resume....

Playdate Smakk
Just an update from the black sheep of the family. I'm still being a bad dog. I guess being 32 in dog years, I'm going through a mid life crisis. Smakk is really mad at me and Mrs. Smakk has been trying to hide the fact that I chewed up the dining room curtains. But life has to go on and I'm sure I'll grow out of this phase.

Saturday, I stayed outside all morning and through lunch which is not normal for me. I don't think they trust me anymore. I chased some squirrels and layed in the sun so it was ok. Then Mrs. Smakk loaded me up into the car and took me Richardson AnimaLuv City Wide Pet Day and Dog Trot. I got a really big shot that will help them find me if I decide to explore the neighborhood again and get lost. After we got home from that I was shown to a kennel where I was locked up in that for an hour. How am I supposed to take care of the house and guard it from in that thing when they leave the house? I was relieved to be let out when they returned again.

Sunday, I got another car ride ( a really looooong one) as we headed over to meet Pancho Diva. She is a lot of fun. Most other dogs don't have as much energy as I do like that so we played really well together. Even when she kept licking my wiener and humping the air. Not sure that is what female dog is supposed to do but whatever. I enjoy licking myself so why not share the joy.

Now it's the regular week. I hope I get a few walks every day until the weekend. And then we'll see if I can't find another chance to try to escape or eat something I shouldn't. Speaking of escaping... I think Smakk is just mad because he can't escape from Mrs. Smakk like I can or get to eat stuff he shouldn't because of his new diet dog food plan. Sucker.

Oh, here's a picture of Pancho and I.