Sherlock Smakk
Just a quick announcement that Smakk & crew will all be in full force at Sherlocks Arlington tonight to watch The Max and to bag a few 817 bunnies. So if you would like to see if the stories are true and meet the legend in person - bring your ass on out. We'll be at the center table with the 40 shots up in the air. The national guard will be on alert...

Cock Block Smakk
cock block v 1. to interfere with a male's attempt to talk to a female or engaging her sexually. Usually this is performed by distracting one of the parties, obstructing the path between the male and female, etc. Normally the person "cock blocking" has the intention of talking to the female. See also pussy block. ("I was trying to hit on that girl, but her friend was cock blocking.")
- n 1. someone who cock blocks. ("I was trying to hit on that girl, but her friend was being such a cock block.") – Online Slang Dictionary


The cock block has been getting way too much of a bad rep. Being that I have mastered this art and use it as one of my primary resources when bunny hunting, I feel I need to defend this noble trade. Obviously the cock block is useful in stealing bunnies from your friend/neighbor/enemy, but that is not its only use. It also has great entertainment value such as spoiling your buddies chance at bagging a bunny with a nice “Did that rash clear up?” or “How’s your girlfriend?” line drop while he’s talking to her. There’s also the use of the cock block to save a friend from making a beer goggling mistake of hooking up with a fat or ugly bunny. (Though usually I find it more entertaining for them to discover that for themselves the next morning.) Even the Secret Service does it to protect the President’s daughter. It can even save a nice bunny from a Date Rapist. So all hail the mighty Cock Block. And boys, where are we all hanging out this weekend?

Drunk Bay Smakk
Now that it’s impossible to any longer get a reservation at Whore Island, and since I have no interest in Dildo Harbour, I figured it was time to find my own little vacation spot. So low and behold – Drunk Bay.

Now I can find no explanation why this small bay in the Virgin Islands National Park is such named, therefore it can be explained that is some type of predestined omen that is calling for me to visit and give validity to the namesake. I am obviously very excited to throw down with The Coral People of Drunk Bay. Though these chaps seem to be a little pale and stoic, they actually remind me much of myself when I enter the mute stage of my nightly inebriation. And since it is described as “an extremely rocky bay that is not considered safe for swimming”, I fear my raft made of empty bottles of captain may not last too long. So pack your suitcase full of liquor (ala Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas) and come join me in this liquid paradise.

Top five vacation movies:
5. My Father The Hero
4. Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation
3. Summer Rental
2. The Great Outdoors
1. Vacation

Yeah – this list sucks. Need alcohol…

Sayings Smakk
I have decided that I will pick up at least one bunny at tonight's drinking adventure while answering her every question with only these three responses:
Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Every damn night.
I roll like that.
I can already see this conversation:
Bunny - "So do you come here often?"
Ron - "Every damn night."
Bunny - "Wow. Do you always have a drink in each hand?"
Ron - "I roll like that."
Bunny - "Cool. So would you like to come home with me?"
Ron - "Are you fuckin' kidding me?"

Top Five Movies with sayings I use almost every day:
5. Swingers - "You are so money."
4. Harvey - "Not knowing I cannot say."
3. Office Space - "If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: O...O..."
2. Anchorman - "I love lamp."
1. Wierd Science - "Every damn night. On the telephone."

Dog Smakk
So for my one goodwill gesture of the year, I have decided to adopt a stray dog. Went and saw the little fellow at the vet this weekend and officially made the decision today that I was taking the mutt. He’s currently recovering from a leg wound and should be able to come to House of Smakk in the next couple of weeks. Kind of a dingo looking fellow. (The dingoes ate my baby!) Now I’m sure many of you are shocked that I am interested in actually caring for another living thing, so let me explain. Living in the bunny rich State Thomas Neighborhood, I need this little fellow to give me a reason to be walking around the block other than my daily stroll to the liquor store or happy hour at TABC. (Yes, I have a bar with one block of my house. Heaven on earth, I know). So that is also why I have decided to name this bunny magnet - Carrot.
Although I felt this was a surprisingly charitable (albeit uncharacteristic) act on my part, there is great debate among the Ron-tourage on whether or not I am responsible enough to handle taking care of something other than a full bottle of alcohol. So of course this calls for a new poll: How will Carrot die? Please see sidebar below.
Top five dog films:
5. Wag the Dog
4. Dog Soldiers
3. Mad Dog & Glory
2. My Life as a Dog
1. Dog Day Afternoon

A Picture Share!

My Tower of Monster. It's going to be a long day.