PT Smakk
Before my little business excursion to Austin yesterday, I stop in at my local Enterprise Rental Car to pick up a rental for the drive. I get checked in with relative ease and the young lady takes me outside to proudly show me my professional business trip car - a bright metallic sky blue PT Cruiser. I can't think of anything that rings more of mid-life crisis. Whatever...I get in the truck..err...car...err shoebox on wheels and take off on my journey.
Somewhere between 20-25 seconds on the road, the oil light warning comes on. At first I'm like, "what do I care if it needs oil? Not my car." But then the nice little "BINGGG" that keeps going off every 3 seconds might get a little annoying for my 6 hour round trip drive. So I turn around and return the car back to Enterprise. The same nice little rental car girl says, "No problem. We just have to drive about a mile down the road to another location and we can get you a new car."
So we go on our 2 minute trip to another Enterprise location down the road. I'm thinking at least I'll be put in a normal little sedan. My girl takes in the keys for the exchange, comes back out and says, "All set. Your new car is right over here."
We walk together around the corner and guess what she has obviously pulled some major strings to do for me - another bright metallic sky blue PT Cruiser. So I go, "Wow. Identical to the other one."
She replies merrily with a huge smile, "Yes sir. And the color even matches your shirt."
Just fucking shoot me....

Domesticated Smakk
The evil known as domestication has been sucking me in lately. Though of course you can always still put a smakk spin on those things also. For example, the Bunny got me to weed our back yard island areas this past weekend. So I get out there digging in the dirt pulling up anything that looks like it doesn't belong. So I'm ripping out these mounds of vines and realize from the smell these are mint leaves. What could we do with these? Let's just say that an hour later, the Bunny and I are laying out by the pool with a pitcher of Mojitos between us. I'm hoping this weekend I find some sugar cane in the yard and can start making some homemade Captain next...

Tard Smakk
Why am I a magnet for Tards? Here's the story - The Bunny & I head down to Lake Ray Hubbard on Saturday and decide to check out my old high school stomping grounds in Rockwall. We head over to Joe Willy's to get a burger and some fried mushrooms for lunch. After we finish our grub, the Bunny has to hit the ladies room. As soon as she walks away from the table, around the corner comes little Mr. Special Needs and he sits down at the table beside ours. I immediately start looking at my phone, concentrating on my drink, scanning the crowd for the Bunny, basically anything to avoid eye contact. No more than 10 seconds pass and out of the corner of my eye I can see him waddling over to me. He stumbles over right beside me and starts pointing out every picture on the wall behind me and asking me the people are in each one.
Tard - "Who dey in dis pithure?"
Smakk - "I don't know."
Tard - "Who dey in dis pithure ere?"
Smakk - Uhh, I don't know."
Tard - "Who dey in dis pithure ere?"
Smakk - "Still don't know."
This goes on for at least a dozen more photos. Of course this whole time he is using one hand to point at each picture while the other is securely buried in his shorts working his nuts like a lotto scratch off. He finally pulls his hand out when he sees a picture of cheerleaders so he can use both hands to show me his YellowJacket cheer and clapping routine. "Y-E-L-L-O..."
So after a good 5 minutes of Tard cheer, Slingblade sees some pics on the wall across the room and waddles off over there. Just as he leaves, the Bunny comes back to the table and says, "Sorry it took so long. There was only one bathroom and someone was in it. Did I miss anything?"