Birthday Smakk
Yes, it is that great universal holiday today - my birthday. I think in celebration I might try something new this year like getting fucked up. Ok, maybe that not real different but I will at least be drunk at a different place than last year. One more year on my life, ten more years on my liver. So the celebration will commence at Champs tonight with alligator shots with Loops and the boys. Where it goes from there is anyone's guess.
Now the real action will be tomorrow night. Bunny hunting and bachelorette party crashing in Ft Worth. Of course as always, I will have to roll in smakk style with a Terrace Suite at the Renaissance Worthington right in the middle of Sundance Square. So for any cute bunnies reading this, you have your chance to meet the legend in person tomorrow night. Please leave your photo with the concierge and you will have a reply shortly.

Striped Shirt Smakk
This may be some of the funniest shit I have read in a while. I’m wearing Striped Shirts all weekend now. And by the way, my weekend starts in 3 hours. Thanks for the link Loops.

Bootie Text Smakk
Drunk texting has now almost completely replaced drunk dialing for me especially when it comes to trying to get some late night bootie. The bootie text is just so much easier. Especially since you can send the same message to multiple bunnies at the same time. So I of course was sending out my multitude of bootie texts last night around 1:30am upon being poured out of the car from another night with the smakk crew. What do you know - I get at bite! So after a few more texts utilizing my drunken yet always humourous wit, I get the bunny snared in my trap and she heading over. Now I know you all want me to share all the gory bedroom details but instead let me just tell you about the texts I had when I woke this morning.
1:48am - "Where are you?"
1:50am - "HELLO!!!"
1:51am - Missed Call
1:52am - Missed Call
1:53am - "Are you sleeping?"
1:55 - Missed Call
1:58 - "I'm leaving. You ass."
2:04 - Missed Call

Tab at Sherlocks - $83.00
Unlimited Text Messages - $29.00
Passing Out before Bootie Text Arrives - Priceless

Thrown Drink Smakk
Part 2While playing the Britney & Kevin - Chaotic drinking game (thanks Linds) last night, I once again had a drink thrown on me. The interesting part about it this time was that I throw the drink myself. Still not exactly sure how this happened but I know it involved some kind of Duke of Hazzard slide-across-the-bar-into-the-chair maneuver. I believe on my decent, my full captain and diet clipped my knee due to the distraction of the 84th extreme close-up on Brit’s acne riddled noggin. This almost caused a complete melt down due to the fact it was the last of the bottle and the liquor stores (damn Texas laws) had already closed. Luckily, I located a spare flask hidden at the bottom of the bar. Haven’t been downstairs yet this morning but I sure the chair is nice and sticky...

So Do I Deserve Smakk
Ok. So I have to be honest here. Yes. There was a time recently that I was in a real relationship and I had some very serious “more-than-one-night” feelings for a girl (we’ll call her B). Now of course, I fucked it all up by letting some temporary Distraction get in the way. Whatever, my bad – I do accept the blame. But since then, B and I moved on to a point where we were at least able to reconcile on just being friends. So now, I find out this evening that Distraction apparently called B just to fuck up whatever friendship I had going on. Now is this bullshit or do I deserve it?
Anyway – top five films about…:
5. Harboring the Institutionalized
4. Garage – parking in or on
3. Another Bra in Austin
2. But It Doesn’t Count on Couch
1. Purge

Yeah, I know. Bitter bullshit post. But most of you won't get all the jokes anyway. Just think that was such BS of her to do.

Good Cause Smakk
So I was thinking that it’s about time I rallied behind some cause to help benefit mankind. I thought about all the standard ones such as Habitat for Humanity, Greenpeace, MDA, etc, etc. But I feel those organizations already have ample support, so what could be something out there that is not getting the necessary backing that my expertise could truly benefit. Therefore I have decided that I will champion the cause – The Love of the Drunk. Where has the affection for getting smashed gone in today’s society? Even in movies today you almost never see a positive reflection of the drunk. Remember those great films like Harvey, Arthur, Animal House – these films embraced the love of alcoholism. So starting tonight I will be embracing my campaign to show the entire world how fun and endearing the drunk can be. So please keep your eye out for me as I stumble soon to a town near you.
Top five treasure hunting films: (because being drunk is a treasure in itself)
5. The Deep
4. National Treasure
3. Romancing the Stone
2. The Goonies
1. Raiders of the Lost Ark

Loops MVP Smakk
He parties like a rock star and dances like a fool. Check out Loops MVP when you can. And you know what they say – if your friends don’t dance then they’re no friends of mine.

Red Bull Guy Smakk
Be sure to stop by and say hello to Red Bull Guy who has just entered the world of blog. He often gets to experience the smakk adventures first hand, and has a few of his own worth noting.

That's Hot Alert Smakk
Get your Tivo’s set for Entertainment Tonight on May 17th. Paris Hilton “will star in a television commercial next week in which she will slap suds on the side of a Bentley automobile and chomp on a thick burger while clad in a skimpy black bathing suit.”

Byron Smakk
So I closed out my 4-day ultra bender yesterday at the Byron Nelson golf tournament, which will now always be known as the Tiger Killer. Although I was at the tournament most of the day, I only got to see one shot live. I, of course, spent most of my time in the pavilion finishing off about 15 beers and hunting Byron bunnies with Joe Bagofdonuts and RHSS (Red Headed Slut – The Sequel.) Then we took a little trip down to Cool River for a few more cocktails and finally proceeded to pass out in the car ride back. Had a little revival time at home for a couple more Captains & Diet, until passing out for good in my chair about 9:00pm. This of course sucked because I missed the Mavs spanking the Suns, but at least I’m still on-line with my prediction that they will take the series in 6 games. Oh well, a new week of drinking adventures to look forward to. So many things to see, and people to do.
Top five golf movies:
5. Legend of Bagger Vance
4. Dead Solid Perfect
3. Tin Cup
2. Happy Gilmore
1. Caddyshack