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why just talk if you can talk smakk

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Relationship Smakk
So I’ve had some people recently point out that I may have a problem with relationships. I’ll agree there may be some truth to this, but is it really my fault? Reflecting over the past year of my “relationships” (yes, the quotes indicate I use this word loosely), I at least tried to have some variety. Some long term, some short term, some very short term and some that could be timed by a stopwatch. They were blondes, brunettes, even a redhead. Short, tall, thin, fa…errr…all thin. (I forgot some of them read this still.) Ages ranged from mid-30’s to 19 (No, I didn’t know she was 19 – she told everyone she was 22. But thanks for the high five.) Girls from different walks life, heading in different directions, living different lives – but all very good people.
But I think it has been my most recent break-up that has now taught me the value of being together, and what you can miss once apart. I mean being together night after night, sharing the good times and the bad. Making every moment seem special. This is what being in a relationship is all about. I now realize that it is probably best that we are no longer together. We still visit now and then but it will never be the way it was. So for the record I just want to say thanks for all the memories and I will never forget you. You gave me some of the best times of my life and I miss you everyday. So goodbye my sweet brown princess. I will always love you Captain Morgan.
Top five films with the grieving master of the break-up - John Cusak:
5. Eight Men Out (the team broke-up)
4. America’s Sweethearts
3. High Fidelity
2. Better Off Dead
1. Say Anything

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Popular Smakk
So I have been spending my sober school nights over the last two weeks trying to watch the entire first (and only) season of the failed teen soap, Popular. To best describe it, imagine the OC meets Saved By The Bell. This show is so bad I just can’t keep from watching all 20 episodes. It’s like watching a car wreck between a bus of epileptic nuns and a midget mime in a monster truck. Let me describe one of my favorite episodes to give you an idea of a sample plotline.

The gang rallies together to try and prevent the firing of the gender-bending-cross-dressing shop teacher that announces he would like to become a woman and change his name from Mr. Davis to Ms. Debbie, and he/she has to dress and act like a woman for a year before the clinic will allow him/her to snip off the twig & berries. So the gang decides to fight the school board by giving Ms Debbie a make over, staging a 4 person sit-in (with tents and hibachi) in the school hall, and finally having the kids go to the board meeting with the boys in drag and girls in suits. Alas, the gang loses and Ms Debbie is fired. Now, I should also mention that this is one of the serious episodes and not one of the comedic ones.

My “Zoo Smakk” cartoon from a couple days ago is a Golden Globe winner compare to this. So everyone please rush out and join me in wasting 20 hours of your life. And remember, I was sober for this!!!!

Top five movies that were TV show remakes:
5. Charlie’s Angels (is this really a top 5?)
4. SWAT
3. Starsky & Hutch
2. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn
1. The Fugitive

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Stalker Update Smakk
Almost forgot – my favorite stalker guy is back with a new blog site. (check my 01/05/05 post for original story) I highly recommend for all of you to visit this site anytime you want to read about someone so pitiful that it can’t help but make you feel good about yourself. And please leave the young man some inspired comments to make him feel all the love.
Sincerely,
The BMW Guy
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=ArgueWithATree

And how about another movie:
http://mm.dfilm.com/mm2s/mm_route.php?id=2269963
Comedian Smakk
So one of my college friends, The Chinaman, is performing this Friday at Hyena’s in Ft Worth. You can get 4 free tickets for either of the Friday night shows by using the password “Ninja” at the door or by calling 817-877-5233 for reservations. Probably a 2 drink minimum but that shouldn’t be a problem for most people that read this blog. Not much else to talk about for now, so how about random movie about the Impregnator:

http://mm.dfilm.com/mm2s/mm_route.php?id=2269895

Top five movies about being a comedian:
5. You Light Up My Life
4. Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life is Calling
3. Man in the Moon
2. Punchline
1. Lenny

And yes - I know the guy in Swingers was a comedian, but the movie wasn't really about that. So don't even go there.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Zoo Smakk
So my sobriety came to a crashing end this weekend. Friday night was a good drunken adventure at Sherlock’s with a nice 3am IHOP dinner. Luckily the Impregnator and I cabbed it from the bar instead of taking a ride from “girl with the tattoo covering her back of the Devil getting a blow-job” (seriously – can’t make this stuff up) because she ended up with a free room courtesy of Tarrant County. Saturday night was more of a little too much drunken adventure at the Loon & Deep Ellum with Burning Bush. Let’s just say that she’s still not talking to me. Now as for Sunday and a return to sobriety, I went to the Fort Worth Zoo with The Impregnator and White Gurl. So walking around the zoo for 3 hours in 90-degree weather with a hang over, not a big recommendation. Let’s just say I came very close to feeding the meerkats with some fresh chum a la Old South Pancake House. And I swear at one point the chimps were mocking me. I find the whole zoo concept very interesting; I just wish it included more than just animals but other exotic wildlife. Like combining jails with the zoo. Imagine something like a crack hoe exhibit. They could be in their “natural habitat” of a run down apartment where viewers can throw crack rocks to them to fight over. Might be better than that damn monkey mocking me.
So, top five zoo movies:
5. Bringing Up Baby
4. Hatari!
3. Fierce Creatures
2. Zoolander
1. Planet of the Apes