War Smakk
What is it good for? I tell you what, nobody is a fan of war but little Bush has it right. Saddam is an asshole with a big stick, and we need to take that stick away and shove it up his pie hole. Think of at this way - knowing what you know now, how many would have opposed waging war on Bin Laden on Sept 10th even though he hadn't yet posed a direct threat to the US. Plus with a new Iraq regime (why are they called that now insted of a country?) maybe we can steal, err...I mean help distribute all their oil and lower some damn gas prices here. You know, I drive a Land Rover. That's only 12 miles to the gallon there Skippy.
But the one thing that Bushie did not address, the thing our country needs more than anything, the real threat to our way of life, the necessity to truly live in freedom in the pursuit of happiness, what we undeniably need to once again be whole as a nation - oh yes, we need a war on skank. Skank runs rampant among us infesting our children while creating other's children. Oh it is time for some much needed STS - Stop The Skank. So as we battle the skank out of our land before we become a prisoner of them, here's the:
Top five military prison/concentration camp flicks:
5. Stalag 13
4. Deer Hunter
3. Schnindler's List
2. The Great Escape
1. Empire of the Sun & My Honeymoon Video (tie)

Ask not what a skank can do for you--ask what you can do to that skank.

Wedding Bliss Smakk
From you're comments, I now see that I have been much too negative in my recent posts on this subject, and it's time I speak more to the blessed, sacred union that we call marriage. Nothing warms the heart more than to find that special person that you will forever love and form a bond as you two become as one - at least until she forms bond three, four, five, etc. with every swinging d in sight. But the companionship, the comfort, the security is unique only to that special committment of marriage - though dropping a hundred at the strip club at least lets you see more T&A and not deal with her stinking, lying slut of a mouth. But to stand in front of all your closest friends and family to confess of uncompromised love and unwielding spirit of trust and union with your one true lifelong companion is a moment of enlightment and complete truth - then again, she could just be a skank. So to reflect and celebrate - guns don't kill people, people kill people, people should kill skanks, get me a gun.
Top five films with a wedding as a major element:
5. Father of the Bride (Steve Martin)
4. Father of the Bride (Spencer Tracy)
3. The Graduate
2. Deer Hunter
1. Godfather

The best vows I ever heard - "My wife, my strife."

Ho Smakk
Anything for money, I tell you. Did you catch Fear Factor tonight? Yes, that was maggot filled cheese they were eating. I repeat - they were eating cheese full of maggots. Maggots. Like worms that feed on dead flesh. Maggots...did you freakin' hear me? Maggots. I honestly believe eating maggots on tv to win money makes you the biggest ho in the world. After watching that, I fully respect the crack ho down on the corner who's out there delivering the goods to get another fix off the pipe. At least she's not freakin' eating maggots. What's the big deal if a woman sells some flesh for a buck anyway - it's no different than marriage except she doesn't have to put up with all the other bullshit and he can say kiss off after the deed is done. (I'm sure that post just won me some new friends.) So for the quick reference - selling sex = good, eating maggots = bad. 'nuff said.
Top five flicks about prostitution:
5. Street Smart
4. Pretty Woman
3. Taxi Driver
2. Leaving Las Vegas
1. My wedding video (the sentimental favorite)

To clarify - selling sex = good, eating maggots = bad, marrying skank = hell

Broke Down Smakk
I think we can all agree that nothing really sucks more than having your car break down. Well maybe I can disagree. What sucks more is your car breaking down while in the middle of the car wash. Yes - that was my adventure today. I got the under wash, the clear coat, the super dry and the I have to push my freakin' land rover out of the Exxon station carwash. Plus the damn wash cost me $8. I honestly do not have the stomach to talk about this anymore.
And one other learning to share from today - socks are very flamable. Do not hold them right above the candles - those suckers flame right up while on your feet. Yes, it has been a fun Sunday.
Top five cheesy car films that we should wrap in flaming socks and throw in a car wash:
5. Fast and the Furious
4. Joyride
3. Gone in 60 Seconds
2. Cannonball Run
1. Smokey & the Bandit (this was actually a great film)

When I get home , I'm goin' kick your mamma in the ass.