Ham Smakk
Nothing like waking up in an oversized chair with a drink in one hand and a half-eaten piece of ham in the other. I'll let you know what happened as soon as I find out.
Top five pig movies:
5. The Muppet Movie
4. Hannibal
3. Fritz the Cat
2. Babe
1. Deliverence (squeal like a pig)

Holy shit! It's not often you see Deliverence and The Muppet Movie on the same list.

Hold Out Smakk
Tried to hold out as long as I could but this was as far as I could make it. Ahhhhh - first drink of the evening. Only 8 1/2 hours till the bar doors shut. Luckily, Club Smakk has plentiful supply for the afterparty. Hitting the Uptown area tonight with a special appearance from my boy all the way from San Diego - Grand Master Gahr. Bunnies better perk up their ears. Things will most definitely get ugly... Hope you all can feel at least half as good as I will tonight. O-U-T

Cinco Smakk
To steal a phrase from Lindsey, Happy Cinco de Drinko!!!
All for now. Gotta get my drinko on.

Oh shit. Almost forgot - Congrats to STH(Short Term Hoe) on marriage! Another one of my exes bites the dust. You will make a great LTH for your guy.

Top five Mexico movies:
5. The Real Cancun (a Smakk Classic)
4. Desperado
3. From Dusk Till Dawn
2. El Mariachi
1. Traffic

Pat Green Bitch Smakk
In honor of all my new fans from this Pat Green Fan Site , I have set up a blog just for ya'll. (See - I'm getting the lingo down.) So welcome to the Pat Green Fan Bitch Board. Have fun and I'll be checking in from time to time just to stir things up.
XXXOOO
Captsmakk

Ode to Smakk (part 1)

To be in the world of Smakk
Is to live life as its best
I get to party like a rock star
Don't give a shit about the rest

I hang out at all the spots
Uptown, Knox - anywhere I be
I'm sure to be on top of tables
Singing "She Fucking Hates Me"

I like the blondes and brunettes
I'll drink till the bar doors shut
But be it a hottie or a shot
I always take the Red Headed Slut

I'm here to break some hearts
I'm here to have some drinks
I may break out sign language
But I'll land her with my winks

When I bust out with the "eye"
I can pick up any bunny
Like when I split or doubledown
"All I do is make money"

Yes, blackjack is my game
Busting banks is my goal
Gonna leave with 10k large
That's just the way I roll

So there's no way to compete
Just get your lame ass back
I got skillz, you got none
That why they call me Smakk.

Hater Guy Smakk
This is hilarious. I’m checking out a referral link to my blog that’s coming from this Pat Green Fan Site and I come across a forum where this guy “Brokenstar” has this as his profile signature:

Be sure to drop by and let this guy know how much you hate him http://captsmakk.blogspot.com

This is a whole new plateau in Smakk. Wonder if I can actually get Pat Green to write a hater song about me too? To dream….

Vibrate Smakk
We’re blowing up with posts today. I kept wondering why these girls had me texting them all night. The phones were always on vibrate. Thanks to Bryk for the link.

Neighborhood Movie Smakk
Burning Bush just called me to let me know there's a movie being filmed right now at my neighborhood liquor store, State Street Spirits. Damn - how remote where the chances of me not being there? It's like my home away from home.

Work Buzz Smakk
Nothing like having a nice morning buzz left over from the night before to help you start your work day. Damn - I was even home by 10pm last night. Was I watching Life Goes On at 4am? Especially nice having this good buzz since I have a $1M client presentation today. This is one of those mornings that while I'm walking into the office in my suit, I have to double check to make sure I'm actually wearing pants. Hopefully the two lo-carb Monster drinks will kick in soon. Should be an interesting day.

Oh - and I have definitely replaced my drunk dialing with drunk texting. Was blowing up the messages last night. I know many of you feel honored to have recieved my drunken ramblings.

Noggin Smakk
Met an outstanding 18yr bunny today and had some steak and lobster for din-din. Yeah – sounds cheesy. But surf an turf was outstanding. Maybe that’s what led to my night of actually staying in and watching the tube.

Sidebar – what is too young? 18yrs is legal but what the yell do you do with some one that can’t get into a bar? Well I know to do that of course, but afterwards. Where do you go? Chucky Cheese? Wait…am I talking to myself? If a tree falls in the woods…fuck it. Too hard to type that joke.) And why do I have that end “)” at the end of that last sentence. There was never a 1St “(“ there to begin. Did I just concave the entire world? Does anyone remember my original topic? And what the hell does sidebar really mean anyway? Should I just keep asking questions? LOUD NOISES! (for all the Anchorman fans)

OK – so stayed in tonight and watched the “Noggin”. I give some big smakk props to this channel. Degrassi at midnight, Radio Free Roscoe at 2am, and Life Goes On at 4am. Worked out so must teen angst that was still building. Should have worked out the teen herself but didn’t pull off the WhiteGurl rule of putting phone number in cell and taking picture to remember. Oh well…

Top five “Noggin” movies:
5. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
4. The Skulls
3. A Beautiful Mind
2. Man With Two Brains
1. Beavis and Butthead Do America

Bunny Smakk
The activity/sport that I spend most of my time engaged in is what we refer to as Bunny Hunting. First you have to find the right bunny patch to start your hunt. In my area, some of these places would include Knox Street, Sherlock’s, Logan’s, or any other bunny rich market. Just this weekend we discovered that Rawlins Sports Bar in the Ballpark after a Ranger’s game is a very, very rich bunny market. Next you have to have the right bunny bait. Some guys use their clothes, car, money, etc… Here’s the key – bunnies love to laugh. This is why my razor smakk wit has always been great bunny bait. Now combine your humor skills with some bunny shot enhancers (prefer three wise men, red headed slut, Belfast car bomb) and the bunnies will become much friskier, much sooner. So I encourage all you hunters to get out on the bunny trail as much as possible. I know I will…

Top five rabbit movies:
5. Fatal Attraction
4. Who Framed Roger Rabbit
3. Watership Down
2. Donnie Darko
1. Harvey