Bunny Farm Policy Smakk
This is an email I received on Friday due to the fact that I just bought my new spread. Nice job Gwedo....

Dear CaptSmakk,

It has come to our attention you may be moving into a beautiful home in upstate Addison area. Our secret services department has been notified that a Ms. Avril may be moving in as well. We strongly regret that, while we understand your situation, this violates the “Bunny Farm Policy” as show below.

Bunny Farm Policy:

No male will live with a bunny for more than 6 consecutive days unless out of the metroplex unless it shall be mother, sister, daughter, cousin or Shaw B.

We regret when we ask that you surrender your carrot card immediately. You will no longer receive the auto update, pushed to your handheld of the latest bunnies from the Dallas Patch. Additionally, you will no longer receive your yearly subscription to Bunnies Bent Over.

Thanks for your corporation,

BEO – Gwedo

Deaf Smakk
Just got back in town from a little one nighter in Austin. Saw my old school boys Big Steve & Bill Brick. We sat around Doc's on Congress for a few beers, the Mavs game and to catch up on old times.
The best story came from Steve about the night they hooked up with the three deaf bunnies they met out. They're all partying away and Steve gets the strong vibe coming from one of the deaf bunnies. They hit it off well so at the close of the night, Big Steve asks her, "Can I get your phone number?" DB Heller Kellers out, "Emaaailll maee." Steve is like, "No just give me your number and I'll call you." DB, "Eeemaailllll." Steve, "Why can't I just get your phone number?"

Haha - if you're not cracking up right now, just keep thinking about it....

Casa Smakk
I'm thinking about making an offer on a house today. Found a little 5 bedroom/3 bath chateau off Preston Rd in North Dallas. Working out all the figures today but wondering if normal homeowners insurance has any type of Smakk Clause. Something that covers the kicking in doors, late night chair headstands, pot rack gymnastics...you know, the normal pre and post party activities. And with the addition of a backyard pool to the scenario, things could really get dangerous.
And if this deal does go down, I would like to extend my apologies now to all my future neighbors. Smakk wants to be your neighbor. Hello neighbor.

Hell's Kitchen Smakk
Where the Hell (I know - great pun) have I been on this show? This is reality crap at it's finest. It's like the Real World meets the Iron Chef. You got the Eurotrash head chef barking out orders, spitting out food and cussing up a storm at these wanna be hotdog vendors. And of course all the contestants live together so that we can get some drama going. Love in the first episode last night that Larry the Midget Fishmonger gets put in the hospital because of the stress of the competition. Stress? It's a freakin' reality show about cooking. His classic quote from the hospital bed shot - "I didn't quit. My body quit."
So this show is now smakk approved only while they're running How I Met Your Mother reruns.

Still Alive Smakk
I know I've been slack on updating lately so here's a little highlight film of the past weekend.
Started off Friday with my double appearance on the 4pm and 6pm Channel 5 news. (Fuck those 5pm guys.) No I wasn't arrested - they were just using my pretty face to get that money sound byte for the lead in on the Mavs win of Game 1. (Nice job crushing The Heat last night in Game 2 also!) So after mutliple TIVO rewinds of "The first time in 26 years the Mavericks are finally there and we're all ready for it.", we headed down for The Max show at Sherlocks. Loops, Wu, D and the rest of crew were all in outstanding drunken form. Special shout out to Loops for actually being kicked out while on the dance floor alone. Maybe the 37 pics you took from your phone of the amatuer stripper show on stage was a poor choice.
Saturday started of with a little house hunting. Looks like I might have found the new Club in a little shack in the Prestonwood area. 5 bedroom/3 bath - check. Pool with party yard - check. Curb side appeal in money hood - check. 16 year old sleeping mexican hoochie in back room - check.
After a refueling break at the Cage with an Entourage season 2 marathon, it was off to the housewarming party at the Impreginators. A little cheese ball, a little three ball and many Coors Lights later, it was back to the Cage for post party.
More house hunting on Sunday to review choices. Sleeping mexican jailbait was still at the top choice crib drying out her thongs on an impromtu clothes line by the pool. So that sealed the deal and its time to get an offer going.
Parental units are in town now for a little visit, so I apoligize ahead of time to the local Addison bar owners for the drop off in early week sales you are about to experience.
That's all for now you fucks. And yes, I'm sure there are all kinds of spelling and grammer errors above. Have fun with your little red pens.....