Thrown Drink Smakk
So I don't get the whole point of throwing a drink on someone. It's such an obvious abuse of alcohol. I bring this up because young Nicki last night decided to hurl her full Crown and diet across the table at me for consorting with the enemy. She does this act in her fit of drunken rage only to leave me sitting there to the receipt of a standing ovation from the rest of the bar. And she even uses the drink that some guy just bought for her. So now she is pissed, has no drink in hand and the best part - I get an instant "Bad Boy" image that intrigues the remaining bunnies in the bar. Maybe I should get more drinks thrown at me...actually, it's pretty much a given that will happen again. Dallas really is becoming a very small city for me.
Other events from evening: shut down bar at Sherlock's Addison, had cute Hispanic bunny fondling me, ate T-Bone at IHOP, woke up with another red head (still on a roll with reds), and only got 2 hours of sleep for the night. Just got back from hitting the lake with boat today and I already hear tonight's drinks calling.
"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"--W.C. Fields

And Smakk
Almost forgot. Congrats to Avril on engagement! Now the big question - will it be Pat Green or Blue October for the first dance?
One ex got married last week and now one gets engaged this week. Something in the water in Big D?

Thurs Smakk
So I just got to the office at 2:00pm today. From what I remember about yesterday, I believe this is what happened:
11:30am - Have 1st beer at Shady Oaks with Joe Bagofdonuts and The Impregnator; tell bartender Gina we'll pick her back up at 3pm
1:00pm - Have 1st Captain Morgan
1:30pm - Start slamming beers; naked women all around me; axe body spray must be magic
1:33pm - Realize it's not the axe; at Baby Doll's strip club
3:30pm - different naked women; at The Lodge now; wallet seems lighter
4:30pm - Chammps Las Colinas; looking for bunnies, actually find real bunny; staring to freak out a little
6:30pm - At Joe Bagofdonuts house; let the drunk dialing and texting begin
7:00pm - Sherlocks Arlington; it's starting to get ugly
10:45pm - old chick trying to get me to take her home; not quite that hammered
10:46pm - Shaw moves in and takes old chick home with him
1:30am - Pass out at table in Sherlocks
8:30am - wake up still wearing shoes but belt is missing

I call that Thursday.

Top five.....fuck it. Still too drunk to think. Need to sleep but almost time for next happy hour. And so it begins again...

Bar Crawl Smakk
No time for much of a post today. Decided to ditch work for an impromptu bar crawl. I'm sure stories will follow later. And in the words of Dean Martin, "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."

Nickname Smakk
So while I was tooling around the lake this afternoon on my boat (yes - work really didn't keep my attention today), I started reflecting on some of the names I have been called over the past couple of years. So that this list does not go on forever, I'll spare you the multitude of vulgarities that most of my exes use for my name.
Okra - this was actually self-imposed nickname to snag bunnies
Captain - reference to all the stock I bought in Captain Morgan, one bottle at a time
Crop Duster - Crop Dusters Spray Better
Gator - short for Instigator
Paco - don't remember where the hell this one came from
Dad - need to stop hanging around with the 19yr olds
Ron Burgundy - People know him. He is kind of a big deal.
The BMW Guy - penned by someone who's girlfriend I stole or something
Ronshizzle - I am half african-american, from the waist down
Cockblocker - named after this skill which I am so adept
Drunk - well maybe they were just referring to my profession

Top Five Nickname Movies:
5. Tootsie
4. Donnie Darko
3. Rudy
2. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
1. Cool Hand Luke

Struggled with leaving off E.T. I mean I'm sure that little fucker had his own name also.

Weds Smakk
I hate it when I raise my hands in the air like I just don't care, and I hit the ceiling fan. Oh well - big beer Wednesday tonight and farewell party to my favorite bar manager, Angela. Taking the digital camera to start recording some of the smakk madness and bunny hunting for you guys. And work does not seem overly inviting today. Might be a boat day... More to follow later.

Red Head Smakk
So I just interviewed a very cute red head that I’m thinking about hiring. Yes, I know this is very dangerous considering my experience with both employees and red heads so I don’t need the lecture. But it got me thinking that maybe I’m having some kind of red headed obsession going on these days.

Last 41 Shots I Bought – Red Headed Sluts
Last Real Relationship – Burning Bush
Last Blog I Visited - Immoderation (Love ya, Linds)
Last Store I Went To – Kinko’s (Kinko’s is named after founder Paul Orfalea who had kinky red hair thus nicknamed Kinko. Yes, my useless knowledge is outstanding.)
Last Teen Angst TV Show I Watched – My So-Called Life
Last Time I Saw Paris Hilton – House of Wax (her hair was covered in blood. ok, now I’m reaching)

Maybe I’ll go adopt an Irish Setter today….

Top Five Red Head Movies:
5. To Die For – Nicole Kidman
4. Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner – Katherine Hepburn
3. Sixteen Candles – Molly Ringwald
2. Boogie Nights – Julianne Moore
1. The Breakfast Club – Molly Ringwald

Random Smakk Smakk
Just a list of some of my favorite random things to say while drunk:
People know me. I’m kind of a big deal.
Hi. I’m Okra.
Are you staring at my feet?
Fuck Don Johnson.
I love you like a brother...in-law.
Every damn straight.
She fucking hates me!
Stacy, another round of shots.
Crop dusters spray better.
Is this going to be a long story?
There’s a bug on me.
Have I told you the muffin joke?
Fack the buck up.
Got any grapes?
All I do is make money.
I’m actually peeing right now.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Top five dialogue movies:
5. About Last Night
4. Sideways
3. High Fidelity
2. Clerks
1. Swingers

Saturday Smakk
Make first drink at noon
Liquor store run cause one handle won't make it for day
Hit all you can eat buffet with buzz
Build own Playboy Mansion & kill 16 cops (ok-that was XBox)
Get table at bar at 8pm
Start tab
Order 41 Red Headed Sluts (oh - tab is going to hurt)
Bunnies on my left, bunnies on my right
Get sandwiched between two blondes for "Pussy Control" on dance floor
Pay out $325 tab (+ $80 tip)
Cab it to IHOP
Walk 3 miles from IHOP at 3am
Wake up next morning not in own bed

I call that Saturday.