Flying Smakk
Sorry I missed my post yesterday, but had to get up outta bed before noon for the first time in a while since I'm back to working with you other slaves. But I had to fly out of town which gave me something to smakk about that I haven't in awhile - air travel. I love the new enhanced security to make me feel safe about my travel. In the wisdom of airlines and the FAA, you are no longer screened and x-rayed by 6 guys only making $10hr, now you have the added security of being frisked by 30 guys making $8hr that I know must make a bonus for the most clothing they can make you remove. I saw three women in a row get asked if there was wire in their bra. "Nah, that's just the liquid steel I got for implants since they were all out of distilled water." (Why is that water distilled by the way?) And when can we update the damn on-plane safety speech and precautions. For over twenty years, we've still got the same life saving tools of the floating seat cushion and ziplock bag with a tube "if there's a sudden change in cabin pressure." Has no one designed a cheap parachute yet that can fit under the friggin' seat?
Now I must commend Southwest Airlines for their no frills, cheap flights but truly outstanding service. You board one of their flights that's a half hour late and the captain will go supersonic to make it on time. Also, they are the only airline I've flown that will get everyone on board a drink regardless of the flight time. Though this afternoon I did get a double take on order three beers for my trip. She's like, "Sir, the flight time is only 35 minutes." But damn if she didn't take my nine tickets and deliver my threepack right away.
And just as an overall general rule - Delta Sucks. And if you have to go through Atlanta - Delta Sucks Big. That explains that pretty well. So for tonight's films:
Top 5 Films you don't want to watch while on the plane:
5. Final Destination
4. Flight 90: Disaster on the Potomac (TV movie)
3. Airport '77
2. Cast Away
1. Alive

Have a nice flight!!

Idol Smakk
As much as I would like to be cool and rag on American Idol, tonight's show was just hilarious and imposssible to stop watching. Obviously, the entire show is listening to this Simon bloke, who basically has this great and unique gimmick called speaking the truth. You suck, you maight not know it, but he'll fill you in. I guess my biggest gripe about the show is that once you get rid of all the really bad people, who cares about watching all these disco-night-at-the-bowling-alley-karaoke-contestants compete to be the next....uhhhh, whatever her name was that won the last one. And by the way, I love hearing over and over how this Kelly Crapston has the best selling single in the past 10 years. Who the hell is still buying singles?
But the show couldn't just do it's little deal and move on while ahead - no, we have to have the "Where are they now?" special. Do I really care about this. I mean, where the hell were they then? But I was happy to learn our new record holder Kelly and the Gumby with dreadlocks runner-up have a movie coming out. I as much as anyone like a good tearjerker and I'm telling you now that the thought of seeing this movie has me already crying. I didn't really pay attention to rest of the special, but I think one of the past finalists is that happy guy dancing in his underwear on the Gap commericial. (Obviously he's on Zoloft.)
So good luck to all you Idols in the making and you have my sympathy, especially to whoever wins and realizes their 15 minutes of fame was only about 3 minutes long and the future punchline in late night. On the bright side, you might get on the Surreal Life in a few years. So for my films on this topic I've got two categories:

Top 5 Films about Musicians:
5. La Bamba
4. Sid & Nancy
3. Pink Floyd The Wall
2. Almost Famous
1. Spinal Tap

Top 5 Resons Musicians should NOT make movies:
5. Evita - Madonna "I suck at movies"
4. Body of Evidence - Madonna "I really do suck at movies"
3. Who's That Girl - Madonna "Okay, I said I really do suck at movies"
2. Shanghai Surprise - Madonna "Now this one I blame on Sean"
1. Glitter - Mariah Carey "Madonna is my idol. By the way, have you seen my new boobs?"

see ya...

Pharma Smakk
These friggin' drug companies are getting out of hand. I'm watching the tube last night and I catch the ad for Zoloft. Here's what they say, "If you have not been feeling good about yourself for more than two weeks, you should consult your doctor about trying Zoloft." Two weeks?? That's the new time frame for clinical depression. This could be the miracle drug for all situations. So you're a little down because your fat, ugly and stupid - well you can now forget diets, working out, learning new things or even bathing. Just throw back some Zoloft and you'll start feeling great and not give a shit about anything ever again.
Plus you get the side effect bonus of experiencing either insomnia or sleepliness. So to be safe make sure you keep a good supply of amphetamines and depressants handy depending on which way your leaning at the time. Also, how do I know when I'm actually feeling better or just stoned from the Zoloft? Even worse, if I'm actually in a great mood and also Zo-ing, the double high will probably having slapping high fives and doing the Macarena with every stranger I pass until some guy beats the crap out of me for being a freak.
With my love of watching films, I've decided that start today I'll be listing my top five movie picks related to the topic of my posting. Since flicks about pharmaceutical commercials are somewhat obscure will go with this topic:

Top Five Films about Drug Abuse ( exculding Cheech & Chong flix)
5. Drugstore Cowboy
4. Rush
3. Traffic
2. Trainspotting
1. Requim for a Dream

I've got my comments up and running so if you disagree with my choices, you'll probably be wrong but I'll read them anyway.

SuperBowl Smakk
So the Chucky Bowl is set with the Raiders taking on the Bucs. This is actually a SuperBowl I'm looking forward to so we can finally decide what really wins Championships - Defense or Offense. The Bucs are the #1 Defense in the NFL and the Raiders are the #1 Offense. My call - the Bucs will blow away the Raiders even in the hostile SoCal environment full of the Raider Nation.

Now more importantly than the game itself is getting pumped up all week by watching movies about football. So here are the ones you need to watch:
North Dallas Forty - Nick Notle & Mac Davis in the best movie ever made about pro football
The Longest Yard - "I think you broke his f****** neck". Guards vs. prisoners, does it get any better.
Paper Lion - Small classic with Alan Alda as a reporter pretending to be a pro rookie quaterback.
Rudy - One of three movies that always make me cry. I love you Rudy!!

Which ones not to watch:
Any Given Sunday - Pro football if it was a music video with Cameron Diaz as a tough team owner - righttt.
Johnny Be Good - Anthony Michael Hall as the most recruited college football prospect in nation. 'nuff said
Remember the Titans - Yeah I know we all love Denzel, but this is feel good formula crap. Boring...
Necessary Roughness - Another fine effort from that great thespian Sinbad. Never, I mean never, make bad movies about Texas football.

Oh yeah - Happy MLK Day.