Guest Post Smakk - Nicki

Well, it is about time for me to make a guest appearence.
Reason for my guest appearence... Capt Smakk has been drinking since oh um about, 1noon today. He is already in phase III of his process. Very close to mute/sign language stage...
I noticed that he hadn't posted today, and at the state he is in at this point, it seemed very unlikey that he would be making a post at all this evening. I really don't think typing or even being able to read the computer screen is going to be a task he can accomplish at any point this evening... considering walking and talking seems to be rough.
I tried to stop him after his 9th red headed slut at the 4th bar... he just kept on going.
It is going to be a long fucking night.
Is today Friday? Hih theru yoiu muthahha fucckeerrs- (Um yeah, Ron says Hi)
Seriously, is today Friday??? OMG, he's fucking hanging from pot rack now... JESUS!
He also almost burnt a hole through his "striped shirt" trying to iron! (which I advised against also!) Drunk ironing, it should be a sport....
I feel like such ass from last night... so there is only one thing left for me to do.... DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN! Heading to Champps, happy hour. -Peace&Hair Grease

Oh and I almost forgot... in honor of CaptSmakk being too drunk to post by 4:42pm I present to you:

Top 5 Movies with computer hackers (since I just broke in to post this.. hehe)
5. The Net
4. Antitrust
3. Cloak and Dagger
2. Hackers
1. War Games


Since you've been gooooooooone....

Lizard Smakk
I’m in traffic yesterday evening on my way to Sherlock's and the car in front of me has a freakin’ lizard sitting on the spoiler. Just a small green tree lizard that’s sitting there staring at me. Of course at first, I thought this was some kind of novelty toy or just my own drunk hallucination of a Geico commercial. But no – there is a real lizard running back and forth on this guy’s spoiler while we’re heading down I35 south. So I start tailgating him while steering with my knees because I’ve got a Coors Light in one hand and my cell in the other trying to get a picture. Unfortunately the picture did not turn out, but I did finish my beer. I was also prepared to drop the phone in case the little fellow came flying off so I could attempt to snag him through my sunroof. Does this shit only happen to me?
Top five lizard movies:
5. Valley of the Gwangi
4. Fierce Creatures
3. Godzilla
2. Jurassic Park
1. Bambi Meets Godzilla

Nemesis Smakk
I have decided I need to identify an arch nemesis for myself so that I can have someone to torment on a regular basis. Now this will obviously be a tough decision for me since there are no people that are close to my intellectual equal. So who would be a good target for my daily wrath? Of course I have the everyday little people like the police, anon commenters, current boyfriends/husbands of smakked hoes, every ex of mine, etc. It’s just that I torment these folks daily just with my normal activities, so I think someone special will be called for to endure my full smack attack.I considered Don Johnson because of our little run in at the Wynn in Vegas but picking on Sonny Crocket seems like too easy of a target. Obviously I automatically oppose any person that promotes sobriety, so there’s Len Blumenthal, Chairman of the General Service Board for AA or Wendy Hamilton, National President of MADD. But I feel my constant drunken activity throughout the US is already enough of a protest against their evil ways. How about our new Pope? With my constant fight against morality and such maybe he would be the right fit. How about my liver? With just so many choices, I am asking for your help. Who should be my arch nemesis?

Are You F*cking Kidding Me Smakk (cont.)
Having more flashbacks:
Chugging Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill
Diving from pot rack in pimp suit
Catman, Loops and the "Rail Chicks"
15 Enchiritos at 3am
Leaving " If you were twins, you would be twice as ugly" voicemail
A blanket bag of Corona
Sweet Caroline...bop...bop...bop...
Four former random hook-ups all at same bar together
Group cockblock of Cheerleader Boy
Beer fountain on couch
And the twins...

Are You F*cking Kidding Me Smakk
Did this weekend really happen? Some of the random things I remember:
Singing Ebony & Ivory at the bi-racial wedding
Pedestal dancing in window and destroying mini blinds
Meeting the legendary Lindsey in person
Memorial Day brunch of meatless nachos and jager bombs
360 dance off battle in middle of deck at Dukes
Matrix style beer catch while standing on top of fountain
Drunken poetry
Table of 20 every damn night
Bunnies everywhere
And the twins….
I’m sure more will come to me later if I ever actually sober up.