Hi Grade Weapon Smakk
You know, I'm really hoping these boys in Iraq throw hands up if the marines come marching down there street. Cause I gotta say when it comes to weapon badassness (new word for you all), there's little doubt that we don't lead the charge. I mean you can buy a laser guided, heat seeking, dna patterned, hand held stealth missle at Sports Authority - and that's just for hunting deer. (urine scented not included). How freaky is that we're all completely used to looking at foriegn cites in the green amber of night vision? Is that normal - no, it's the whole problem. War has gotten way to impersonal. Let's get back to having to hack away at somebody to do the deed. Hand to hand. Chest to chect. Mano a mano. Blah blah to blah blah. That's when we'll find out how much we want the fight. It's not the real thing until you have to chop away a few times to get the head removed from the torso. Hmmm yeah....my marriage brings back such good memories.
Top five movies with sword play (excluding my ex's new home porn movies):
5. Highlander
4. Braveheart
3. Excalibur
2. The Lord of Rings (either)
1. The Princess Bride

Alex - I'll take "s"words for a $1000, you twit.

Spring Broke Smakk
That's right - it's no longer spring break, it's just spring broke. Besides Girls Gone Wild, where is the love for rampant college party sex and debauchery in today's poli-correct bullshit? I still embrace those memories of a simpler world:
Waking up with my hair moussed from stale beer
Wrapping up in a beach blanket while curling up by the dumpster
Buying 8 Coronitas for only a buck and then throwing the empties around the club
Pasing the beer bong down the beach just to say "Hi, I'm a new friend."
Tossing a green dyed baby chicken into a strange bar in Mexico
And meeting Casey - yeah, we all got to know Casey. And her sister...
I dream that our youth is still carrying on these fine traditions. I have faith. I have hope. I have to pee. So,
Top five Spring Break films:
5. ??? - is that all of them? How freakin' weak is that? I'm writing a spring break movie tonight.
4. Fraternity Vacation
3. Where the Boys Are (1960)
2. Palm Springs Weekend (1963)
1. Spring Break

We got el shafto grande, we got no place to stay.

On the Brink of Smakk
So now we've given our final, final, final warning to Saddam. It's good thing he wasn't on double secret probation or the shit could've already hit the fan. Honesty, this is the slowest moving inevitable almost on the brink of war. And what's with "on the brink of" saying? Is it really used with everyday situations? "It's almost happy hour. I'm on the brink of drink." I actually kinda like that one.
I do like now that George W has also called out Saddam's sons directly in this thing. Reminds me of DeNiro in Untouchables. "Son of a bitch? You call me a son of a bitch in front of my son? Fuck you and your family." Ah those classic lines... So back to our story - we'll be at war by Weds. Kinda sucks to wait until mid week. If we're gonna start this thing, I'd think Monday is a little better for everyone. We'll I propose we skip the war part and just offer to put Saddam and his familia up in some swanky paradise resort on a deserted island. He could be lthe Skipper and we could drop off some French guy as Gilligan for him to torment. (By the way, no matter how this war thing ends - the French suck for a very, very long time.) So,
Top five films on a deserted island:
5. Swiss Family Robinson (1960)
4. Lord of the Flies (1990) & Lord of the Flies (1963)
3. The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977)
2. Castaway
1. The Blue Lagoon

Yeah that's right - The Blue Lagoon. I think I'm on the brink of drink.

Clutch Putt Smakk
We'll just make it simple and fun tonight.
There's not much better than being one stroke down to Dr.E on the 18th hole of the barrio course in the hood and sinking a 30 footer from off the green to take the victory lap. Yep - I'm just that good.
Top five golf films:
5. Legend of Bagger Vance
4. Happy Gilmore
3. Dead Solid Perfect
2. Tin Cup
1. Caddyshack

Thank you very little.