Crop Duster Smakk
So I’m about to take off to go to Phoenix for the weekend to see what kind of drunken tomfoolery (yes, tomfoolery. I’m championing its comeback) I can get into. (wait – do you get into tomfoolery or have tomfoolery. Note to research.) While there, Team Smakk has decided to use the “We’re in town for the Crop Dusters Convention” opening line to show our creativity and wit while meeting new bunnies. So to go along with that theme, I have come up with other supporting lines:
Crop Dusters Spray Better
Crop Dusters Like to Do It in the Air
Crop Dusters Spray It, Don’t Say It
Crop Dusters Can Take Care of Your Bush
Crop Dusters – More Than Just Dust in the Wind
Crop Dusters Like to Drop Their Load
Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Top five crop dusting movies:
5. Space Cowboys
4. Always
3. Midnight Run
2. Independence Day
1. North by Northwest

Sign Smakk
One of my trademarks is my ability to get so drunk that I lose all ability to speak verbally and revert to my own drunken sign language that mostly consists of shrugs and raised hands. Conversations mostly go as follows:
Girl - “Hi. My name’s (insert random cutie name i.e. Lindsey, Liz, etc)?”
Me – head nod with half smile; try not to fall backwards from lifting head off bar
Girl – “What’s your name?”
Me – double shoulder shrug with more smile; eyes focused on her breasts
Girl – “You won’t tell me your name?”
Me – another two shoulder shrug with hands raised; eyes still on breasts
Girl – “Hellooo? My face is up here.”
Me – slow head raise with eye brows lifted (smile dependant on her face and my level of alcohol)
Girl – “So are you going to tell me your name?”
Me – turn head towards other cutie noticed walking past; do the one finger “excuse me” towards her about 10 seconds after she has already passed by
Girl - “Are you ok?”
Me – double shoulder shrug with one eye brow raised; eyes back to breasts
Girl – “What is your problem?”
Me – raise head back up to face her; give her “the eye”
Girl – “Let’s get out of here and go to my place”
Me – grab her hand; stumble towards exit; wave to bartender shaking head in disbelief

Top five deaf people movies:
5. Cop Land (actually one of my favorites but he was only deaf in one ear)
4. See No Evil, Hear No Evil
3. The Miracle Worker
2. Children of a Lesser God
1. Tommy

Liar Smakk
So it cracks me up when people try to lie to me, not quite understanding that I mastered that trait about 10 years ago when I was only 14. (wink, wink for you slow folks) The art of delivering the successful lie should be revered as a gift. Too many novices use the lie to avoid facing reality or to be harmful or deceptive in a hateful, uncaring manner. I incorporate the lie in its true sense of being (paradoxal I know – by the way, paradoxal is not a real word), as a form to entertain. Sometimes I even like to lie (as in past present verbal form of lay or even laid or layed but not the metal lead) when I lie. Take now for example. (Well, please don’t “take now” or I’ll be living in the past again.) I am soberly lying down typing up this post of lies. Will a fly lie? Or cry? How bout sigh? Or say high to Captain Bligh? Oh my! Are you wearing a tie dye? Or maybe I’m high? Up in the sky. Eating dry rye pie. Time to say good bye.
Sorry more digression. So now that we have cleared all that up…
Top five movies about lies:
5. The Truth About Charlie
4. True Lies
3. The Truth about Cats & Dogs
2. True Colors
1. True Romance

Brutal Smakk
'nuff said
http://durrrrr.blogspot.com/

Weekend Update Smakk
Drank
Ate Cheese Its
Went to Carson’s, Logan’s, Knox Street (maybe??)
Locked out of house
Watched Human Hairbrush break wall thermostat
Slept in 50 degree house with towel as blanket
Walked to gas station for mixers
Drank
Called cab that never showed
Ring shopped at Tiffany’s
Made new friends at Mi Cocina’s bar in galleria
Offended gay people
Ate at Just for Feet
Had car sex
Sent The Impregnator to store for more mixers
Finally changed out of same clothes
Danced in kitchen
Went to Sherlock’s
Woke up in backseat when Human Hairbrush crashed car into garage
Had chest shaved
Bought toilet plunger - more Human Hairbrush issues
Drank
Ate pizza rolls, buffalo wings, white castle cheeseburgers and sausage biscuits
Finished off 1.75 liter but had backup flask
Went to office this morning in haze
Cleaning puke off keyboard now

Top five films I think I watched this weekend:
5. Jackass
4. Something About Mary
3. Old School
2. Anchorman
1. Napoleon Dynamite