8 Ball Smakk (bonus material)
And in case you don't have your own 8 Ball handy and need to make some desicions today...
http://www.indra.com/8ball/front.html

8-Ball Smakk
I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I listen' to the 8-Baller...
So I have decided to stop wasting my life trying to make desicions. What's the point? Instead, I have embraced the all-knowing, all-seeing, divine soothsayer of all that is truthful and wise - the 8-Ball. Seriously, think about the whole decision making process. It's completely ridiculous. Let me be your guide through this journey:
1. Have question
2. Ponder possible answers
3. Have drink
4. Consider ramifications
5. Have another drink
6. Re-think question
7. Hmmmm....ok, another round
8. Maybe other answers
9. Go pee
10. Have drink while peeing
11. Consider ramaf...ramific...what was I talking about?
12. Wait - did I wash my hands after peeing?
13. Try to remember question
14. Drink might help
14. Have drink
14. Have drink
14. Have drink
27. Remember to buy calculator
28. Back to the question
29. One more drink
30. BOOTIE CALL
31. Tell skankpuss goodbye
32. Note to self - learn how to install breathalizer on phone
33. Wake up on bathroom floor missing chest hair
34. Rinse and repeat

See what I mean??? Join me in embracing the 8-Ball. The 8-Ball knows all, hears all, sees all...and is only $8.95 at WallyWorld. Learn it, Know it, Live it.

Top five "8" movies:
5. Eight Legged Freaks
4. 8MM
3. 8 Mile
2. Eight Men Out
1. 9 1/2 Weeks (please subtract 1.5)

Referral Smakk
Blog virus is spreading...
http://whathaveibeenthinking.blogspot.com/
Top five movies with a virus in it:
5. Con Air (Cyrus "The Virus")
4. Outbreak
3. 28 Days Later
2. Office Space (computer virus to steal money)
1. Twelve Monkeys

* Bonus: Best movie line about a disease - "You're the disease. I'm the cure." - Cobra

Internet Smakk
Is it me or do some things now seem to be more acceptable, respectable or tolerable just because they’re on the internet. For example, there are certain things as guys we wouldn’t do usually but it’s ok on the internet. Like…
Have a diary: diary + internet = blog
Ask directions: directions + internet = mapquest
Write a letter + internet = email
Show emotion + internet = yellow smiley face things (those are actually still very gay)

So why does the internet make it more acceptable? Think of the other things people may think are beneath them or morally questionable or whatever…
Garage sale + internet = ebay
Gambling + internet = etrade
Porn + internet = still porn
Drinking + internet = this post
Home movies + internet = Club 301 Series (only available on ebay)
Unstable nanotechnology + internet = nano yo bizness
Shocker + internet = 2 to interface, 1 in cyberspace

Anyway, I’m just saying….
Top five films with internet as main character:
5. The Net
4. Antitrust
3. You Got Mail
2. Hackers
1. Wargames

Stalker Smakk
So a bonus post for today since I'm just getting back in the groove. Now I know people have closure issues when they end a relalationship - I can say I've been there myself. (Check archives for any "skank" postings.) But recently I was introduced to this blog:
http://iwontcryoveranything.blogspot.com/
I'm not a person to usually make fun of anyone...well...err...unless they carry a cheese grater...anyway moving on, but this guy is a classic. From my understanding, this blog is almost completely about his ex who broke up with him about a year ago. The classic thing is that it appears he has a new girlfriend who he also comments to on his site with "sweetie" and such, while still bitching about missing his ex the whole time.
Now normally I could care less about the plights of faceless others but apparently CaptSmakk has a mention on one of his recent postings. Though not mentioned by name, I am apparently the "BMW guy" that he blames for the entire reason his ex dumped him. One thing I can agree with psycho boy is that I wish I would have never met his ex as well but that's another story.
Anyway - for any of you feeling bad about a relationship or life in general, the miserable scrawlings of this chap can at least make you feel better about your own life. And so...
Top five films about psycho stalkers:
5. The Crush
4. The Hitcher
3. Fatal Attraction
2. Cape Fear
1. Psycho

Shreveport Smakk
To paint a picture of Shreveport for those of you that haven’t been, it’s basically a Cajun style trailer park crack ho version of Vegas. If Jessica Simpson were Vegas, Ashley would be Shreveport. Did you see her Orange Bowl performance last night? Please bring back the lip-synching. When trying to hit her high notes, she sounded like female impersonator being bitten in the nuts by a pit bull while strangling a cat that was clawing a chalkboard. And was she dancing or humping an invisible midget? But I digress…
Where Vegas has five star casinos and hotels, headlining concerts, showgirls, world class cuisine, ultra trendy clubs, top notch prostitutes (so I’ve been told) and free booze – Shreveport has free booze. Then again, the 10 vodka and sodas I had last night ended up costing me about $50 a drink. If you do go the Shreve, stay at Hollywood Casino. It’s the closest thing to a real casino there and the hotel is not bad. One perk is that the bar on the 1st floor of the casino has free drinks whether or not you’re gambling. There’s also a built in sobriety test for your amusement. The 1st and 2nd floor of the boat (that’s Louisiana for casino) are completely identical in layout for one small exception. They’ve reversed the entrance to the men’s and women’s restroom. On the first floor the men’s is on the right and on the second it is on the left. This may not seem that difficult unless you’ve been sitting at a blackjack table for about 8-10 hours. I know of at least twice I have failed this test. And guys - the women’s restroom is really not that much nicer.
So in honor of this boudin ball version of Vegas…
Top five films with casinos:
5. Ocean’s 11
4. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Casino
2. Swingers
1. Godfather 2

Smakk is Back
Smakk is back
Back again
Smakk is back
Tell a friend

Smakk is back
Smakk is back
Smakk is back
Smakk is back

Alrighty then. I have finally conceded to the great demand of the masses to return back online for the better good of the world. I know each of you have felt a very lonely place in your heart since my last posting. Well I've dropped those distractions of girlfriends, careers and health to return to those things most important - Smakk and Drinking. (Not that I ever really gave up the latter.) As you can see, I'm still in process of putting this blog back in shape. But not to worry, all will be back to normal in Smakk World very soon. So in the spirit of my return to the blog:
Top Five Films about Slackers:
5. The Big Lebowski
4. Office Space
3. Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
2. Dazed and Confused
1. Swingers