Extra Smakk
In a rare second post for the day, I had to point out this article that I like to refer to as The Loop's Story .
In a rare second post for the day, I had to point out this article that I like to refer to as The Loop's Story .
Friday, March 24, 2006
Checklist Smakk
My new checklist - Progression of the Alcoholic
* Occasional Relief Drinking - check (I call that awake)
* Icrease in Alcohol Tolerance - check (Though I wish I could lower it)
* Onset of Memory Blackouts - check (Wait, what are we talking about?)
* Surreptitious Drinking - check (I think. Don't have dictionary handy)
* Unable to Discuss problem - check (I don't have problem. Find mouth every time)
* Grandiose & Aggressive Behavior - check (Fuck that door and handicap parking sign)
* Loss of Ordinary Will Power - check (I don't even know Will though)
* Friends Avoided - check (Have you met the Crew?)
* Onset of Lengthy Intoxications - check (Is there any other kind?)
* Moral Deterioration - check (HAHAHAHA...err...I mean..next subject)
* Work & Money Troubles - not checked ("All I do is make money")
* Obsession with Drinking - check (Your my obsession...)
* Unable to Intiate Action - not checked (I like to initaite action with Bunny)
* Vague Spirtual Desires - check ( I think my Chi is drunk too)
* Impaired Thinking - check ("That's how I roll!")
So 13 out of 15. I'm 86% Alcoholic. Mom would be so proud. Does Hallmark have a card for this occasion?
My new checklist - Progression of the Alcoholic
* Occasional Relief Drinking - check (I call that awake)
* Icrease in Alcohol Tolerance - check (Though I wish I could lower it)
* Onset of Memory Blackouts - check (Wait, what are we talking about?)
* Surreptitious Drinking - check (I think. Don't have dictionary handy)
* Unable to Discuss problem - check (I don't have problem. Find mouth every time)
* Grandiose & Aggressive Behavior - check (Fuck that door and handicap parking sign)
* Loss of Ordinary Will Power - check (I don't even know Will though)
* Friends Avoided - check (Have you met the Crew?)
* Onset of Lengthy Intoxications - check (Is there any other kind?)
* Moral Deterioration - check (HAHAHAHA...err...I mean..next subject)
* Work & Money Troubles - not checked ("All I do is make money")
* Obsession with Drinking - check (Your my obsession...)
* Unable to Intiate Action - not checked (I like to initaite action with Bunny)
* Vague Spirtual Desires - check ( I think my Chi is drunk too)
* Impaired Thinking - check ("That's how I roll!")
So 13 out of 15. I'm 86% Alcoholic. Mom would be so proud. Does Hallmark have a card for this occasion?
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Sober Smakk
I have not drank since Sunday. I am losing all touch with my world and have been in this world called "reality". Some observations:
TV is not that interesting
There is not a constant haze around everything
People are not that good looking (Bunny is still cute)
Carrot is actually a dog and not my mute hunchback friend
Taco Bell tastes like shit
A key, rather than your foot, can open the door
The sun rises before 10am
It can actually take more than 18 seconds to fall asleep at night
A kitten lives with me
Pee is yellow
This is just crazyland. Need to get back home in my bottle....
I have not drank since Sunday. I am losing all touch with my world and have been in this world called "reality". Some observations:
TV is not that interesting
There is not a constant haze around everything
People are not that good looking (Bunny is still cute)
Carrot is actually a dog and not my mute hunchback friend
Taco Bell tastes like shit
A key, rather than your foot, can open the door
The sun rises before 10am
It can actually take more than 18 seconds to fall asleep at night
A kitten lives with me
Pee is yellow
This is just crazyland. Need to get back home in my bottle....
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
2:41 PM Smakk
It's only 2:41pm right now and it feels like this day has gone on forever. Starts out with me being awaken from a head pounce by KWNN (kitty-with-no-name) around 5:58am robbing me of my last couple of minutes of snooze before the alarm goes off. I proceed to take an uneventful morning turd up and shower, before throwing on my biz casual outfit for a day at the office. After a brisk walk for Carrot in 40 degree weather, I lock up the Cage and head out. I have to make a quick pit stop for some breakfast goodies at Tom Thumb for a morning meeting I'm facilitating, and on my way I pass Bunny out doing her morning run. So after a quick honk & wave, I sack up the grub, and head into the office so I have an hour to actually write an agenda and think of some useless topics to spew about over the next few hours with my team.
*ring ring* A strange number pops up on my cell which I would normally not answer but thought one of my guys from out of town might be lost heading in.
So I answer, "Hellooo."
Bunny, "You locked the front door."
Smakk, "Ohhhhhh. So...ummmm...I should..."
Bunny, "I'm on a stranger's phone."
Smakk, "Be there in a couple minutes."
So back to the Cage to unlock the door and let in Bunny who is now sitting on the curb shivering in her running gear. Did I mention the 40 degree weather part? Bunny gets back in, quick hello to Carrot and KWNN,another bye to Bunny and back off to the office to sit in a 4 hour meeting that no one really wants to hear what I have to say including myself.
Wow. And this post only wasted 4 more minutes. Time is standing still. Tic..Toc..Tic..Toc..Tic..Toc...
It's only 2:41pm right now and it feels like this day has gone on forever. Starts out with me being awaken from a head pounce by KWNN (kitty-with-no-name) around 5:58am robbing me of my last couple of minutes of snooze before the alarm goes off. I proceed to take an uneventful morning turd up and shower, before throwing on my biz casual outfit for a day at the office. After a brisk walk for Carrot in 40 degree weather, I lock up the Cage and head out. I have to make a quick pit stop for some breakfast goodies at Tom Thumb for a morning meeting I'm facilitating, and on my way I pass Bunny out doing her morning run. So after a quick honk & wave, I sack up the grub, and head into the office so I have an hour to actually write an agenda and think of some useless topics to spew about over the next few hours with my team.
*ring ring* A strange number pops up on my cell which I would normally not answer but thought one of my guys from out of town might be lost heading in.
So I answer, "Hellooo."
Bunny, "You locked the front door."
Smakk, "Ohhhhhh. So...ummmm...I should..."
Bunny, "I'm on a stranger's phone."
Smakk, "Be there in a couple minutes."
So back to the Cage to unlock the door and let in Bunny who is now sitting on the curb shivering in her running gear. Did I mention the 40 degree weather part? Bunny gets back in, quick hello to Carrot and KWNN,another bye to Bunny and back off to the office to sit in a 4 hour meeting that no one really wants to hear what I have to say including myself.
Wow. And this post only wasted 4 more minutes. Time is standing still. Tic..Toc..Tic..Toc..Tic..Toc...
Monday, March 20, 2006
Kitty Smakk
So the Bunny & I went out yesterday and bought her a new toy - an 8-week old black female kitty. She said something about needing something that would love her and show her more attention, but I wasn't really listening. As if we didn't have enough problems keeping Carrot alive, we had to add another helpless animal to the menagerie (yes, I do have an impressive vocabulary). And Carrot really needed something else to add to his repertoire (another good word) of phobias and insecurities.
After 24 hrs with this little fellow, we still haven't come up with a good name for her. Even my inspirational Captain & Diet last night couldn't help with any insight. "Eggplant" and "Olive" were a couple suggestions but didn't seem the perfect fit. I suggested to Bunny we keep the name that they put on the adoption form, "Kitten #2", but she wouldn't go for that either. Also thought we could call her "Peas" for the whole "Peas & Carrot" effect. Oh well...anyone got a good sugesstion, let me know. I plan to spend tonight training her to pounce on the couch so that Loops can be attacked in his sleep during the next weekend we have him.
So the Bunny & I went out yesterday and bought her a new toy - an 8-week old black female kitty. She said something about needing something that would love her and show her more attention, but I wasn't really listening. As if we didn't have enough problems keeping Carrot alive, we had to add another helpless animal to the menagerie (yes, I do have an impressive vocabulary). And Carrot really needed something else to add to his repertoire (another good word) of phobias and insecurities.
After 24 hrs with this little fellow, we still haven't come up with a good name for her. Even my inspirational Captain & Diet last night couldn't help with any insight. "Eggplant" and "Olive" were a couple suggestions but didn't seem the perfect fit. I suggested to Bunny we keep the name that they put on the adoption form, "Kitten #2", but she wouldn't go for that either. Also thought we could call her "Peas" for the whole "Peas & Carrot" effect. Oh well...anyone got a good sugesstion, let me know. I plan to spend tonight training her to pounce on the couch so that Loops can be attacked in his sleep during the next weekend we have him.
