Memorex Smakk

I'm trying to decipher the age-old adage, is it better to remember or not? I think back on my own experiences. There are the times I reflect fondly as well as the times I regret, and the many times I don't remember at all. But with reflection there always seems to come regret or pain. Much like pleasure/desire seems to encompass either the forbidden or the new. And I'm not just speaking of The Lambada. (I'm sure maybe one of you gets that one.)
So does remembrance consists of pleasure and pain? We reflect and crave the pleasure once felt, while haunted by the pain that will stay forever of those things lost. The cure is simple...something new or something forbidden. Forbidden is wrong thus being forbidden. (Unless you're in a different zip code - then it's okay.) New is different, new is better, new is not the past. If you could go back, you may not need new. But would you go back if you could, knowing new is around the corner?
So obviously I answered that...
Top five films about Time Travel:
5. Time Bandits
4. The Terminator
3. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
2. Planet of the Apes & Twelve Monkeys (primate tie)
1. Back to the Future

And as a bonus category...
Top five TV shows about Time Travel:
5. Antique Roadshow (expand your definition)
4. Sliders
3. Voyagers
2. Quantum Leap
1. Doctor Who

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time.

Stumpy Smakk
This is a real question from me. Say you meet a person in a wheelchair because they have no legs. Yeah I know, "lost" your legs is the pc way to say it, but what the hell does that mean. "Excuse me Sir, you seemed to have misplaced your legs. Can I help you find them?"
How do you refer to their condition? Is it handicapped, disabled, physically challenged...I know "Hey Stumpy" isn't right.
And why does this need to be labeled at all? So homeboy has no legs. Where are all the colloquiums (is that the right word?) for a dude with no personality or say one kidney? Limbless gets it's own special category - how about people that just suck or have a missing organ.
Also, what's the deal with all the parking spots? You go to WalMart and they have about 20 spots for handicap parking. Besides the guy greeting me at the door, I have never seen more than maybe 1 other wheelchair in that place at a time.
Anyway...
Top five films with a stumpy or wheelchair bound:
5. Deuce Bigalow & Silver Bullet (tie)
4. The Way We Were
3. Born on the 4th of July
2. Rear Window
1. Forrest Gump

Break a leg.

Cop Smakk
When I think about what kind of life it must be to be a cop, these guys are not firing on all cylinders and hopefully not on innocent citizens that had one cocktail too many. It's a complete love/hate thing happening here. What other person do people either dread the most or love the most based on the situation. Typical night - you're crusin' down the road about ninety mph, a little liquored up, a couple teenage girls in the back, small exotic animals running around the car (oh I know you can relate) and the blue lights start flashing in the rear view. Yeah that sucks.
But how does it feel when you're walking alone down a deserted dirt road in the mountains from your overheated deathtrap economy rental when you see your three toothed banjo playin' new best friend sneaking up from behind squealing like OJ with a new machete. Let's just say the new load in your pants ain't gonna help you get away from the bloodhounds that Wilbur has back at the casa de deliverance waiting to track you down. Blue lights pulling around the bend aren't that bad anymore.
So I say we give the coppers a break and the respect they deserve for a job that no sane person wants or could handle.
Top five films about those fine men in blue:
5. Lord of the Flies
4. The Muppet Movie
3. Animal Farm
2. Charlotte's Web
1. Babe

What can I say - a pig is a pig.
That will do, Officer. That will do

Little Smakk
They say it's always the little things that upset you. Rude drivers, bird crap on the car, one item short in your drive-thru food, news about nothing new, that freaky "zoom-zoom" kid, etc. Well I say it's time to celebrate the small things. Think about what we take for granted and what it was like before they came along. Think email, ATM's, cell phones, toll tags, barcodes, fake breasts (well maybe not a good example of little things),...
So keep saying thanks for the small things (and surgery induced mammary growth) cause they can make the difference.
Top five films with midgets:
5. Star Wars franchise
4. Willy Wonka
3. Time Bandits
2. Wizard of Oz
1. Lord of the Rings trilogy

Oompa Oompa Oompa di doo, I've got some more smakk talk for you.
Oompa Oompa Oompa di dee, if you meet a dwarf, you should toss him in a tree.
Ooompa Oompa Oompa...

Drunk Club Smakk
The most sure fire way to meet new people, make a connection, score that hook-up and run away screaming in the morning is still the fine art of negotiating the bar scene. Just last night I had the pleasure of another sobriety free evening in Deep Ellum, the A choice prime fed meat market of the Dallas area. With my silky smooth lines and take no prisoners attitude, the scores of beautiful young women out that evening were no match for my skills. I remember dancing with women all around me reinforcing what I always knew - I am the man. Of course looking back now without the tequila shot enduced vision, I looked more like a blind Shallow Hal on the dance floor surrounded by ladies with a little to much back end (she proved the point of why this bar is called The Thin Room), a little too much height (this one was pretty but she was at least 6'4") and a little to much husband (of course she was the cute & nice one). So my advice for other single guys looking for ladies - keep the booze flowing heavy and hard, and at least your nights will be fun and your mornings will be a haze of memory.
Top five films about alcoholics:
5. Arthur
4. Harvey
3. Skin Deep
2. The Lost Weekend
1. Leaving Las Vegas
Cheers.