Blown Up Smakk
Yesterday was a monster day for Smakk Talk - over 600 page views in 24 hours! Smakk is blowing up. Finally made it to the top spot of the blog listing board with all the traffic. I have to give a special shout out to all my new friends that stopped by with their love notes and heart-warming comments. Apparently Smakk has become quite popular on their forum site celebrating some country singer, incest and bestiality with goats. (Bestiality means sex with animals – trying to lower my vocab a little so you guys can all follow as well.) So to recap some of my favorites from my new friends:
“You deserve to be shot in the face”
“We would all be better off if you ran through a hall of razor wire”
“You're a cock”
“Since you’ve been gooooooone” (good timing White Gurl!)
Especially lovely was the notes from the intelectual wordsmith named “yourgirlisacunt”. You have class written all over you baby. Maybe we could get togther some time for drinks. Whatever trailer park is convienent for you.
Also, need to give a very special Smakk shout out to my favorite little stalker. (I didn’t mean “little” to make fun of your height – I’m very fond of drawfs.) I’m impressed – 210 page views in one day just by you. You must really love my site. I’ll try to get you a Smakk t-shirt or something. Afriad I can’t offer you another restraining order to go with your collection. But I’m sure you have more of those coming anyway.
So thank you all and a heart felt welcome to all my new friends. Please feel free to stop by anytime.
Top five movies that were bomb at theater:
5. Heaven’s Gate
4. Howard the Duck
3. The Postman
2. Ishtar
1. Empire of the Sun

Since You Been Boned Smakk

Here's the thing, we started out friends
Then I banged you, yeah that’s my trend
Yeah, yeah, since you been boned

Dedicated, I took the time
Got you drunk before I made you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been boned

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I picture me banging you
That's all you'd ever hear me say
But since you been boned

How can I put it, didn’t know you that long
That’s why I wore a condom over my dong
Yeah, yeah, since you been boned

How come I'd never hear you say
I just want lick your balls
Guess you never felt that way
But since you been boned

Met you wearing my blazer and dockers
Then you jumped when I gave you the Shocker
Yeah, yeah, since you been boned

Since you been boned
Since you been boned
Since you been boned

Top five worst films with singer as star:
3 - 5. Any Madonna movie
2. Glitter
1. From Justin to Kelly

Good News, Bad News Smakk
Good news – You got a new job.
Bad news – It comes with a uniform and broom.
Good news – You just met a hot girl.
Bad news – Her name is Jeff.
Good news – You got a new pet dog.
Bad news – It’s still the girl named Jeff.
Good news – You’ve overcome your fear of public speaking.
Bad news – You’re talking to a judge.
Good news – You’re getting out of the hospital.
Bad news – You’re leaving in a hearse.
Good news – Your wife is pregnant.
Bad news – It’s mine.
Good news – You just made the game winning shot.
Bad news – You’re playing quarters and your date just puked on you.
Good news – You remembered to blow out the candles before going to bed.
Bad news – Your alcohol breath just set your house on fire.
Good news – You lost five pounds.
Bad news – Your penis just fell off.

Top five movies about news reporters:
5. Up Close and Personal
4. The Mean Season
3. Anchorman
2. Broadcast News
1. All The President’s Men

Rainy Day Smakk
So I wanted to go to Six Flags on Saturday but the weather sucked. So what else can you do on a cold and rainy day – impromptu bar crawl. Here’s where I remember going:
Razoo’s (Fishbowl)
Greenville Bar & Grill (Coors Light)
Hurricane Grill (Bud Light)
San Francisco Rose (Coors Light)
Little Havana (Coors Light, Capt Morgan, Captain Morgan Select, couple other rums)
Shuck & Jive (Coors Light)
Dick’s Last Resort (Coors Light)
Gators (some frozen thing)
Adairs (Coors Light)
St Pete’s Dancing Marlin (jager shot)
Fat Ted’s (red bull and vodka)
Velvet Hooka (vodka soda)
TABC (Coors Light)
State Street Bar & Grill (vodka soda)
Club 1407 (Captain & Diet Coke)
Didn’t make the goal of 20 bars and I have to apologize to the LA Gourmet pizza guy for passing out and not answering the door while you walked around in the cold rain trying to deliver my Tsunami Special.

Top five films in an amusement park:
5. Beverly Hills Cop 3
4. Jaws 3-D
3. Black Knight
2. Rollercoaster
1. Vacation

Wow – most amusement park movies suck.

Institutionalized Smakk
So in a stellar update on the guy threatening to commit suicide to get the girl back, he was actually institutionalized this weekend. Now the best part of this story is that he was emailing the girl from his home computer while the cops were at his apartment waiting to take him to the funny farm. And at one point he apparently even asked if they could take off his cuffs so he could get a quick cigarette in before going downtown in the paddy wagon. He must really be crazy about her. I’m talking he’s really nuts about this girl. That man’s nuts – grab ‘em.
Top five movies in the funny farm:
5. K-PAX
4. Girl, Interrupted
3. 12 Monkeys
2. Sling Blade
1. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest