Christmas Smakk
So my first set of gifts for the Christmas season were opened last night. Here's the list:
"You, Me & The Shocker" t-shirt
Gnome pajamas
Family Feud dvd game
"The Shot Glass" book & kit
Degrassi DVD set
"Hanging With My Gnomies" t-shirt
New Zealand travel book
and best of all - Christmas Card with note, "I am so happy you didn't mean it when you text me to fuck off on Saturday night."

sniff, sniff...oh the holiday season. Merry Christmas all you fucks.

Bored Smakk
Feeling kinda of bored lately and think I need to shake things up some. Just can't think of what I really want to do. Job is not that bad and bringing in good money. Got a Bunny on my side that seems to be into me. Carrot needs to grow set of balls but really cool pup. But haven't had any big adventures lately. I just think back on some of last year's highlights:
Haven't been thrown in jail or gotten into any fights (maybe don't miss the jail one that much)
Haven't had a drink thrown on me for almost 9 months (Thanks Nicki!)
No letters have been shaved into chest hair
No accidental suicide attempts with seatbelt
No break-ups with a bunny while in shower
No waking up in makeup or barrettes in pubes
Haven't gotten into fight with Don Johnson
Haven't won $13,000 at black jack table again while Impregnator is being bailed out of jail for stealing giant fish

Guess with holidays and new year approaching some new adventures have to be coming. Guess I'll just keep working out my liver - that always seems to bring about the excitement.

Crawfish Smakk
So I had to make a little day trip down to Louisiana yesterday for a work Christmas shin-dig, and I have definitely come to a conclusion. Louisiana people are just fucked up. My Christmas dinner consisted of crawfish bisque, crawfish cocktail, fried crawfish, crawfish pie, crawfish casserole and finally, crawfish ettoufee. I am not doing some Bubba Gump take-off here – that was really the meal. Jesus - I know you Cajun rednecks are fond of those little nasty dwarf lobsters but give me a break. How many different ways do you have to eat those mud dwelling shrimp roaches. Anyway – gotta go turd up. Think one of those fuckers is about to crawl out on his own. Have a Merry Crawmis!!

Friend Smakk



Sorry that I haven't updated lately. I've been busy laying in corners and under tables and just generally hiding. No matter what is tried I just don't want to come out of my shell. I like the dog park and all the friends I meet there but my owner never takes me. I think he thinks that I can be friends with things that aren't dogs. Just because he has friends named captain and diet or vodka and soda doesn't mean that I want to be friends with inanimate objects. His bunny has bought me a holiday bandana from Old Navy that completely seals the deal that I will be making no new friends in the neighborhood either. Even the wussy miniature dogs laugh at me. I am relieved though that it is not a sweater or vest. Anyway, I got on his camera and just thought I'd post the newest "friends" he has tried to make me play with. If no one hears this cry for help I don't know what it will take.