Weekend Update Smakk
Drank
Ate Cheese Its
Went to Carson’s, Logan’s, Knox Street (maybe??)
Locked out of house
Watched Human Hairbrush break wall thermostat
Slept in 50 degree house with towel as blanket
Walked to gas station for mixers
Drank
Called cab that never showed
Ring shopped at Tiffany’s
Made new friends at Mi Cocina’s bar in galleria
Offended gay people
Ate at Just for Feet
Had car sex
Sent The Impregnator to store for more mixers
Finally changed out of same clothes
Danced in kitchen
Went to Sherlock’s
Woke up in backseat when Human Hairbrush crashed car into garage
Had chest shaved
Bought toilet plunger - more Human Hairbrush issues
Drank
Ate pizza rolls, buffalo wings, white castle cheeseburgers and sausage biscuits
Finished off 1.75 liter but had backup flask
Went to office this morning in haze
Cleaning puke off keyboard now

Top five films I think I watched this weekend:
5. Jackass
4. Something About Mary
3. Old School
2. Anchorman
1. Napoleon Dynamite