Random Drunk Smakk
So I was reading the escapades of one of Smakk’s new favorite people, Lindsey, and it got me thinking about some of my favorite random drunk moments. These are those moments that have little chance of occurring during sobriety but leave those endearing and lasting memories. (Not that I remember all of these but I have seen documented proof.) Please note that these are not listed in order of importance or level of inebriation. So here's a random 20 drunk highlights over the past year – and yes, I know I’m forgetting many:
1. Almost strangling self by getting seat belt wrapped around neck
2. Serenading the Violent Femmes to a giant gnat
3. Peeing in sock drawer and blaming girlfriend’s dog
4. Always calling every waitress or bartender Stacy (still ongoing)
5. Singing “She Fucking Hates Me” on top of bar table while not realizing girlfriend has returned back to bar after leaving me there for “meeting” new girls
6. Introducing self as “Okra” and telling people I’m fried
7. Making wrong turn out of bathroom and getting trapped in unlocked laundry room
8. Standing on top of van roof at Taco Bell wearing matching baby blue cut off shirt and head band while singing “Take My Breath Away”
9. Ripping open shirt so hard that all buttons fly across restaurant towards “Mullet Man”
10. Dropping piece of cake on some man’s head while stumbling back to table with three (then two) pieces from buffet
11. HOOBASTANK!!
12. Waking up with “R” shaved in chest
13. Falling out of horse drawn carriage in middle of 6th Street in Austin
14. Getting pushed around Wal-Mart in wheelchair while wearing giant afro and carrying 25 boxes of condoms
15. Asking directions on how to get to “Big Red Bird” from random people inside Walgreens
16. Walking down street in Deep Ellum carrying stolen bar table with my drink still on top of it and inviting people to come join me
17. Buying a boat after St Patty’s Day parade
18. Coining the phrases “Fack the Buck Up” and ‘Every Damn Straight”
19. Waving hi to Mom who was in town for Christmas as I walk in my place at 5am wearing eye mascara and barrettes in my short & curlies
20. White boy shuffle
Top five movies I currently like watching while very drunk:
5. Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
4. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Anchorman
2. Dazed and Confused
1. Dude, Where’s My Car?
So I was reading the escapades of one of Smakk’s new favorite people, Lindsey, and it got me thinking about some of my favorite random drunk moments. These are those moments that have little chance of occurring during sobriety but leave those endearing and lasting memories. (Not that I remember all of these but I have seen documented proof.) Please note that these are not listed in order of importance or level of inebriation. So here's a random 20 drunk highlights over the past year – and yes, I know I’m forgetting many:
1. Almost strangling self by getting seat belt wrapped around neck
2. Serenading the Violent Femmes to a giant gnat
3. Peeing in sock drawer and blaming girlfriend’s dog
4. Always calling every waitress or bartender Stacy (still ongoing)
5. Singing “She Fucking Hates Me” on top of bar table while not realizing girlfriend has returned back to bar after leaving me there for “meeting” new girls
6. Introducing self as “Okra” and telling people I’m fried
7. Making wrong turn out of bathroom and getting trapped in unlocked laundry room
8. Standing on top of van roof at Taco Bell wearing matching baby blue cut off shirt and head band while singing “Take My Breath Away”
9. Ripping open shirt so hard that all buttons fly across restaurant towards “Mullet Man”
10. Dropping piece of cake on some man’s head while stumbling back to table with three (then two) pieces from buffet
11. HOOBASTANK!!
12. Waking up with “R” shaved in chest
13. Falling out of horse drawn carriage in middle of 6th Street in Austin
14. Getting pushed around Wal-Mart in wheelchair while wearing giant afro and carrying 25 boxes of condoms
15. Asking directions on how to get to “Big Red Bird” from random people inside Walgreens
16. Walking down street in Deep Ellum carrying stolen bar table with my drink still on top of it and inviting people to come join me
17. Buying a boat after St Patty’s Day parade
18. Coining the phrases “Fack the Buck Up” and ‘Every Damn Straight”
19. Waving hi to Mom who was in town for Christmas as I walk in my place at 5am wearing eye mascara and barrettes in my short & curlies
20. White boy shuffle
Top five movies I currently like watching while very drunk:
5. Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
4. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Anchorman
2. Dazed and Confused
1. Dude, Where’s My Car?
posted by CaptSmakk @ 12:09 PM
1 Comments:
At 3:53 PM,
CaptSmakk said…
But what a fun disaster it would be...
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart
Post a Comment
<< Home