Dog Smakk
There’s currently an on-going debate in Smakk World about whether or not I should get a dog. Obviously most are questioning whether this is a responsibility I can handle with my extremely active and non-sober way of life. Example concerns are like leaving the pup for days at a time as I’m on a bender, or not letting him out because I’m too “lop sop doy” to stand myself, or confusing him for a giant candle and light his tail, etc, etc…
But I think a better way to look at this would be to consider all the positive options this little fellow could bring for me. Some examples:
Wouldn’t have to clean puke off floor since he could just eat it
If I go blind from alcohol poisoning, he could be my seeing-eye dog
I can blame the dog if I pee on anything outside the bathroom
Portable garbage disposal
If I get pulled over in car, just switch seats and let the dog take the fall
Teach him to growl at ugly women for when I’m beer goggling

Top five dogs in movies:
5. Tramp in Lady and The Tramp
4. Cujo in Cujo
3. Baxter in Anchorman
2. Pot-smoking dog (Bowser?) in Dude, Where’s My Car
1. Hosehead in Strange Brew