Stalking Smakk
Is stalking a good way to chase bunnies? Last night I went out and had some drinks at TABC and the Loon with my girl buddies, Lap & Flake. (On the name explanations - Lap because she can lap anybody in drinking Dos XX & Flake because she almost never makes it past midnight and flakes on the plans.) So a couple weeks ago I went out with Flake and she proceeds to tell me the story of this stalker guy after her. She tells me about how he’s a nice guy but he’s always calling, texting, stopping by, etc. Just won't except her rejection. I, of course, am very used to this happening to me.
Well, all I can say is that last night Stalker shows up and Flake and him starting cuddling in the booth like they have been a couple forever. Now there is a chance that Flake was blowing smoke up my ass with this whole stalker story for some other devious reason (she only appears innocent) but I prefer to hope that stalking is effective in bunny snaring. So I need some help. If anyone has the phone or address of any of the following people, please contact me:
Natalie Portman
Kate Beckingsale
Melinda from Real World Austin
LC or Kristin from Laguna Beach
The brunette at the top of the Yahoo Mail banner
The red head at Palm Beach Tan in Las Colinas
The Sundown twins (wait – they’re still 16. I’ll set up a countdown clock later.)
Anyway, send me the info and let the stalking begin. I would share some stories on Lap as well, but that would probably need it's own website.
Is stalking a good way to chase bunnies? Last night I went out and had some drinks at TABC and the Loon with my girl buddies, Lap & Flake. (On the name explanations - Lap because she can lap anybody in drinking Dos XX & Flake because she almost never makes it past midnight and flakes on the plans.) So a couple weeks ago I went out with Flake and she proceeds to tell me the story of this stalker guy after her. She tells me about how he’s a nice guy but he’s always calling, texting, stopping by, etc. Just won't except her rejection. I, of course, am very used to this happening to me.
Well, all I can say is that last night Stalker shows up and Flake and him starting cuddling in the booth like they have been a couple forever. Now there is a chance that Flake was blowing smoke up my ass with this whole stalker story for some other devious reason (she only appears innocent) but I prefer to hope that stalking is effective in bunny snaring. So I need some help. If anyone has the phone or address of any of the following people, please contact me:
Natalie Portman
Kate Beckingsale
Melinda from Real World Austin
LC or Kristin from Laguna Beach
The brunette at the top of the Yahoo Mail banner
The red head at Palm Beach Tan in Las Colinas
The Sundown twins (wait – they’re still 16. I’ll set up a countdown clock later.)
Anyway, send me the info and let the stalking begin. I would share some stories on Lap as well, but that would probably need it's own website.
posted by CaptSmakk @ 1:59 PM
7 Comments:
At 2:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
I think Smakk is somewhat confused on the stalking story. Lap and Flake are the true stalkers. Take flakiness out of the equation and there is no time for other Ho's. Flake only leaves early to make time for ALL Stalkers!! Lap only goes to enjoy a nice cold Dos XX with her measuring tape.
At 4:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
Natalie Portman? I'd trade her for Keira Knightly (or however you spell her name).
Kate Beckingsale? She's had way too much work done. Plus she seems a little to boring.
Melinda from Real World? Why don't you get ahold of the dude you met down there.
LC or Kristin from Laguna Beach? A true stalker would GO TO LAGUNA BEACH!!!
The brunette at the top of the Yahoo Mail banner? Call up Yahoo and tell them that you'd like to use her in an ad you are doing. But make sure you make up a business that sounds legit. She's a model, so they'll refer you to her agency. Then you call the agency and get her name and other info you need. Wa-la, you have the girl from the banner ad.
The red head at Palm Beach Tan in Las Colinas? Keep getting tans.
What I just realized, is that I may have stalker potential. How would I know how to do these things? Either I'm sneaky or I could be a private dick. Dick in the sense of detective. But then again, if I stalk the right person, I can be her dick. Or whatever.
At 5:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
I can be your...
Private dancer, a dancer for money. Do what you want me to do.
At 6:45 PM,
Nicki said…
I have the Sundance twins contact info!! ;)
I'll never tell! (in my creepy Britney Murphy voice...)
I AM SURE you can pull the red head at Palm Beach Tan yourself.. just incase, the phone number is 972-756-1034. Or you could walk Carrot in there...
At 6:46 PM,
Nicki said…
And yes... you left off Lindsey!! How dare you!
At 7:18 AM,
CaptSmakk said…
LapXX - welcome to the game
Questting - meet Tina
Tina - meet Questting
Lindsey - that's crazy and yes you should be on the list as well
Nicki - I'll be working on red this evening
At 10:30 AM,
Anonymous said…
Smakk, the question is...Are you going to use the ways I outlined for you to meet those that you were wanting to meet? Or meat? However you want to think of it.
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