Stolen Smakk
For some reason, I once had this uncontrollable urge to turn clepto when in my intoxicated stage. Luckily this stage has mostly passed. So, top 10 things I have stolen in a drunken stupor:
10. Jim Bean toothpick holder – stuck in ex’s purse while at Café Tutu Tango in Atlanta
9. Lane’s girls – ah, the fine art of cockblocking
8. “McRibs are Back” banner – McDonald’s McRibs…mmmmmm….
7. Pabst Blue Ribbon beer mirror – had to put under my shirt and walk out of Double Dave’s in Austin with friends right in front and behind me because mirror was wider than me
6. Rack of hamburger buns – we ate everything on buns that week - so thank you again McDonalds
5. Bar table – snagged from some bar in Deep Ellum with my drink still on it; the best part here was that I sat it down in an empty parking lot and starting inviting random girls walking by to join me
4. Five Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches – now I know this would not seem a great feat on the surface, so here’s the story. I stole these from some girls’ room at the Hilton on Padre Island during spring break. These girls complained to the hotel manager about our rowdiness the night before. It’s freakin’ spring break!! So with their own sandwiches, my two accomplices and I waited at the end of the hallway until they came out of their room. Once they poked the plastic shorts covered asses out, we proceeded to launch the PB&J’s at them with out handy water balloon launcher. So if you ever visit the 7th floor of the Hilton, please stop by and take a gander at the sandwich fossil embedded in the wall.
3. Black belt karate outfit – really don’t remember how I got this, just woke up wearing it one morning
2. Al the Butcher – walked out of HEB grocery store with life size Al cut out in between me and friend like he was walking with us; check out girls were just cracking up at us
1. Tombstone – yes, I know I will really go to hell for this one. Stole a 100+yr old tombstone with initials F.R.E. on it from a cemetery at the Univ of North Texas during the Fry Street Festival. But it looked great in the flower bed outside my front door.
Top five bank robbery movies:
5. Stir Crazy
4. The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)
3. Heat
2. Dog Day Afternoon
1. Bonnie & Clyde